How To Talk To Sex Workers About Sex Work

Rantiness crossposted to my blog.

Lately I’ve run across this idea quite a bit: Sex workers are rape victims.

It pisses me off.

I’m pretty new to sex work. It’s been a little more than a month since I went on my first call. I’ve dabbled in pretty much every form of sex work with the exception of stripping — I dance like a frog in a blender — and I can pretty honestly say that I have not been raped.

I’ve done porn. I’ve done S&M porn. I’ve cut back on the escorting — I didn’t want to work for an agency, and without an agency it’s not exactly safe — but I still have quite a few regular clients and I see them. I also work in a dungeon where I both dom and sub, and I have done sessions naked.

None of this is rape. All of this was consensual.

Money wasn’t even a huge problem. I got into sex work because I wanted to make money — and trust me, I’ve been quite successful in that respect — but I wasn’t about to starve or end up homeless. I knew my parents would bail me out if I couldn’t pay my rent. 

So saying I’m a rape victim because I had no other choice but sex work isn’t at all accurate, and it also implies that all other workers are slaves. (The cashier at the grocery store doesn’t do it because it’s fun. She does it because she has to pay her rent. And it’s really difficult to find another job in this economy. SLAVERY!)

I consented. To say I am a rape victim deprives me of my ability to consent. It’s infantilizing and patronizing. 

Talk all you like about how sex work and porn objectify women and fuck up the way we think about sex. I might disagree with you, but unless you’re saying something really dumb, I will also respect you. Talk about how trafficked women are rape victims, and I will agree with you. Talk about your own experiences in the sex industry, and I will take your word at face value, even if you don’t give me the same courtesy.

You can argue all you like over whether my choice was feminist, or neutral, or anti-feminist man-pleasing stupidity — and I will have an opinion on that, as well — but keep in mind that it was my choice.

DO NOT TELL ME I AM A RAPE VICTIM. I am an adult woman. I am capable of making my own decisions. I chose to have sex with my clients and co-stars, and it may not have been a choice you personally would have made, but it was still my choice and by definition, not rape.

Making me a victim so I fit into your political philosophy is scummy.