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I appreciate pieces like Lauren Rankin’s “Feminism Needs Men, Too” over at PolicyMic and interviews like this one Brittney Cooper (of Crunk Feminist Collective) did with The Feminist Wire because they force me to consider more deeply what it means when I identify as a male feminist. I come into this space with a set of privileges (cis, male, hetero) that are in constant need of interrogation, so it’s important to take some time to reflect on that a bit.

I’m deliberate about saying I’m a feminist for a couple of reasons. I believe in equality and tearing down the systems of oppression that stand its way, so identifying as a feminist signals my dedication to radical change. But one can be invested in that work without applying the label. I choose it because I always want to be held accountable.

The line that struck me the most in Brittney’s interview is when she said: “The thing that we aren’t saying about male feminists is that they have to do the emotional work.” Relatively speaking, the politics is easy. The emotional work? That shit is hard, but is some of the most important work we’re charged with doing.

Because after the dust has settled, the reproductive rights have been won, the pay is equal, and there’s equal representation in Congress, the mission is only half complete if sexism still dominates our social spaces. You can say the structural stuff is more important, but it’s the everyday stuff that reinforces the structural stuff that adds up to a clusterfuck of mind-numbing oppression. And so many of us are guilty of allowing ourselves to perpetuate it without ever taking a moment to see the damage we’re doing.

It’s when you’re kickin’ it with your boys and you don’t speak up (or maybe even join in) when the one dude is being called a “bitch” or a “pussy” because he didn’t hit on the girl you saw. It’s knowing street harassment is wrong but also knowing that you let your eyes linger way longer than was comfortable for her when she walked by you in those yoga pants. It’s that you find it impossible to have a debate with her without dismissing her opinion as the product of emotion or PMS, then reacting to her calling out your sexism with “I’m a nice guy!” It’s going on and on about how much misogyny, sexism, and patriarchy have entrenched themselves so deeply into our culture, then not understanding why she’s upset the only compliment you ever give her has to do with her looks. It’s all those things you’re not aware of but would be if you were actually listening to her.

If you’re not going to challenge yourself to do better, why claim feminism?  Read More »

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