We’ve Examined. Now It’s Your Turn.

“But have you examined?”

This is a question that most kinky people have heard at some point or another. The answer is always, always yes. 

When you realize you are significantly different from most of the people around you, you will always wonder why. This is human nature. Kinky people have almost all “examined” far more than their vanilla counterparts.

And I think that’s a shame. There are far more vanilla people than kinky people, and if anyone should examine the way society has affected their sexuality, it’s Team Vanilla. Vanilla people have the luxury of thinking that their sexuality is totally normal and that they don’t actually have anything to examine. 

After the last round of BDSM wars, I did examine a little more. I wrote a lengthy entry in my private journal in which I speculated on the origin of all my turn-ons, even the completely vanilla ones. And honestly, examining my vanilla desires was more interesting than examining the weird ones, possibly because I hadn’t already gone over them a gazillion times. I learned a lot about myself.

Here’s homework for the vanilla and the kinksters who have never gotten around to examining their vanilla side — examine it.

Things To Think About:

1. Your favorite position. Missionary, reverse cowgirl, girl-on-top, whatever. Is it your favorite position because and only because it feels good, or is there also a psychological component? Why do you think that is?
2. Your physical type. Blonde boys with tans, hipster girls with lots of tattoos, small tits, uncircumcised cocks. Are you attracted to certain races, the look of certain subcultures, certain physical characteristics? Why do you think you have this preference?
3. Giving oral sex. If you enjoy this, why? Do you make eye contact?
4. And what’s your favorite position for oral sex and do you like it for any reason other than convenience?
5. How do you prefer to deal with semen (swallow, facial, etc.)? Do you find your chosen method sexy and why?
6. Giving handjobs/fingering. If you enjoy this, why? 
7. Giving or receiving a tit job. (Is there a polite word for that? Because I can’t think of one.) For most men I’ve encountered there’s definitely been a psychological thrill for this, and it doesn’t feel at all good for me so I assume women who enjoy it must like it for psychological reasons as well. What are they?
8. Lingerie, if you’re into that. I always think it looks hot, but I’ve never been able to figure out exactly why I feel that way.
9. Likewise, other items of clothing. I don’t mean sexy costumes — I think those fall a little too much onto the side of roleplaying and kink for this exercise — but I’ve always found specific clothing items that my boyfriends looked great in. For me, it’s usually jeans, but I do remember a certain leather jacket. And I’ve always liked guys in skinny jeans. Do you have anything like this? Where do you think it comes from?
10. What’s your favorite place to have sex? When you fantasize about sex, what setting do you think of and why?
11. Do you like your sex romantic or do you enjoy the thrill of anonymity? Why do you think this is?
12. How do you feel about anal sex? If you enjoy it, is it entirely because you like the feeling or is there something else?

As much as I dislike the “Examine!” meme, I do think that examining your desires — even (particularly) the “normal” ones — is fascinating, and you can learn a lot about yourself.
I don’t expect anyone to answer these questions in the comments — it’s very personal, and I feel like a bunch of people being completely honest about their physical types would cause a huge kerfuffle — but I do think they’re important things to think about.
Suggestions for more things to consider are welcome.