Marriage and why I hate ultimatums.

I hate the boyfriend ultimatum. The “if you don’t marry me, I’m leaving” one. This ultimatum always seems to come up (about) twice per year, once at Valentine’s Day (yeah I’m late, but whatever) and again when girlfriends are talking about another girl, whether she be there or not, who’s in a long term relationship. During February the ultimatum always comes up on talk shows titled: How to get Him to Marry You, not only are these episodes sexist, they are, in most cases stupid. But I can live with those; it’s the second case that really bothers me. I am in my early 20’s, so I know a lot of people who are getting engaged and married.

Obviously, this topic comes up frequently in conversation…the overall girly-ness of it gets on my nerves but I don’t mind it all that much, until the ultimatum comes up. (Before I delve into this, I must admit the following example is the only time I’ve ever heard it come up [in real life at least. Sitcoms are a-whole-nother story, for another post]. ) Recently, I was with a few girls who I went to high school with, we were talking and basically just catching up, when another girl we new was brought up. (I’m going to call her Lauren) Lauren just turned 21 and she’s had the same boyfriend since she was 15, and *gasp* they’re not engaged! This was a scandal for the other two girls; I, of course saw nothing wrong with it. This is when the ultimatum came up. One of the girls said “well, she better tell him he has to marry her or she’s breaking up with him! Or else she’ll never get him to stay!” I was bothered by this, but I wasn’t going to get in a fight with her. I’ve decided to organize my thoughts here, as it seems to be the best place for it:
This ultimatum drives me fucking crazy, for more than a few reasons…but, here are three: 1) It perpetuates the all girls are in it for marriage myth, 2) I don’t understand why anyone would want to marry someone they forced into it, and 3) marriage isn’t that simple.
I’ll expand:
1) Assuming that all women want marriage is silly. Not all women want it and some women simply don’t want it right now. It also assumes that women are willing to take whatever they can get to prevent them from becoming “old maids.” It’s not 1853, women can be unmarried until they’re 100, it doesn’t matter. So, stop acting like its super important for all of us to marry.
2) Giving your boyfriend an ultimatum is mean. If he doesn’t want to break up he’ll have to marry you, and forcing someone into marriage is ridiculous. What if you’re not as compatible as you thought? Just because you’re in love now, doesn’t mean you will be tomorrow. And, like I said before, it’s not 1853 you can live together, not live together, have sex, or not have sex…do whatever you want! It doesn’t matter! Marriage isn’t your only option in a long term commitment.
3) It’s not that easy! Marriage shouldn’t be a “we’ve been together five years (or whatever) and now we need to get married” decision. It’s not the next step in a game, and thinking of it this way reduces the people involved to pieces, which no one should want to be.
I don’t know I think this whole “we’ve been together, now we need to get married” thing is foolish…thoughts?