Feminist Boys, Who Are to Influences By Patriachy

So, I don’t know if this is the place for this post, but I feel that I need to write it, as it will make me feel better. Here it goes…
I have never been what the patriarchy would consider beautiful, or even pretty. I’m tall and white, but I’m not thin, my hair’s not blonde, my face is assymetrical, and I’m quite introverted (yes, extroversion is a big part of patriarchal beauty…because, hey, if you’re not the life of the party what are you worth?). But I’ve always been the smart funny girl; thus, (some) people like to be around me. And these are two things that I consider to be attributes, as they’re something I look for in people (romantically or otherwise). However, it has never given me much luck in love, because boys just want to be friends with me. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve gone out with a few guys but these have never worked out, which hasn’t been a bad thing thus far. Recently though, I met someone who I thought was perfect for me.
We started hanging out and we really connected. He’s smart, funny, and basically everything I’ve wanted in a partner. And things seemed to be going well. Last night, however, he told me that he didn’t like me for more than a friend, esentially because I’m not pretty enough. This was shocking to me, because just before he told me that he gave me a list of things he liked about me…I didn’t think he was that shallow. But, I guess he is.

This, obviously is extremely disappointing. As far as I knew (and bassed on what he talks about) he’s quite feminist, so I figured looks wouldn’t matter so much to him. But obviously they do and it hurt me, a lot. Last night I cried, felt like I was going to die, and decided I’m going to most likely die alone, but that can only be expected as I was basically in love with him the first time we talked.
When I woke up this morning with puffy eyes, I realized something. Sure, he doesn’t think I’m pretty, but is it actually him who feels this way? Or is it what has been taught to him? It’s probably a little bit of both. He might not think I’m pretty, but bassed on everything else he likes about me that shouldn’t matter all that much…but he was raised in a patriarchal society that puts far too much emphasis on beauty and what other people think. Maybe he likes me and is just embarressed…and if he’s embarressed of me why I want to be with him? Even if he is amazing, I have no reason to want to be. And that’s my conclusion. Sure, I’m sad, but I’ll get over that. Sadly, he most likely won’t get over what the patriarchy has taught him.
I don’t know if this point is valid or simply self preservation…either way, I like it!