Say Yes to…What?

I’m watching Say Yes to the Dress on TLC right now. I often watch this show and a lot of others on TLC because they give me insight to worlds that I just would never see for myself, such as people spending $30,000 on big white dresses, sexist fathers of 18 children, babies in beauty pageants, etc. So I’m going to kind of refer Rebecca Mead’s book One Perfect Day here as I comment on Say Yes to the Dress.

One thing that I absolutely hate about this "world" at Kleinfeld is that they CONSTANTLY refer to the wedding day as "the most important day of a woman’s life."

First it makes no sense for anyone to assume a wedding day is the most important day of a woman’s life. The majority of women-and men-have already had so many important days before they get married. God only knows- their first school play, scoring the winning goal, their PhD defense…the list goes on. Plus, even if one considers their relationship to be the most important thing in their life, the wedding wouldn’t be the most important day, the day they met – or even the day they DECIDED to get married – would be.

Of course, I understand why Kleinfeld keeps repeating that the wedding is the most important day of a woman’s life: because no one in their right mind would buy a dress that costs more than their car and go into years of debt for it, if they didn’t believe it was the most important day of their lives, and appropriate attire is required.

I love dresses, I think they can really be art. But the mark up on a dress that is simply labeled as "wedding" is ridiculous. In Mead’s book there is a significant chapter about her travel to china to see how wedding dresses are actually made. All but the most expensive dresses are mass-produced in China for a few dollars, and the women that make them live in crowded dorms and are paid in cents, not dollars for their 12-hour shifts.

Yet somehow, businesses like Kleinfeld – anyone who sells wedding services really – are able to convince women that if they don’t spend a semester’s tuition on a wedding dress, they are doing something wrong. And I really don’t blame the industry- instead I wonder how so many women in our culture have let themselves fall into this mindset, probably without even knowing it.

When people speak of wedding dresses- exhibited about every 10 seconds on Say Yes to the Dress- they speak of falling "in love" with it. I don’t really know how to articulate it, but I think it is so…weird…that the dress is refered to with the same heteronormative language as the event that it’s suppose to represent- the event that is supposed to be the MOST IMPORTANT EVENT THAT WILL EVER HAPPEN TO YOU. A *DRESS* is spoken of in the same language…

Another thing that strikes me from watching Say Yes, having not spent a lot of time looking at wedding dresses personally: wedding dresses really put the "norm" in heteronormative. Almost every customer they show claims to want something "different" but they almost all look the same. Any request for something other than the same white gown over and over again, seems to be discouraged by both the Kleinfeld staff and the show itself. I saw an episode recently where a woman wanted something that was a different color or had another color in it, and the reaction from the cosultant was ridiculous. Tonight they are advertising next week’s show:

-a bride wants a red dress. the voice over says "and as if that request isn’t odd enough…"

-cut to a gay male trying on a wedding gown.

Ok, how is wanting a red dress "odd"? Red is nice. I have two red cocktail dresses myself. Many cultures traditionally use red as the wedding dress color. Plus, if the idea is to "stand out" and be the center of attention at the wedding, red would be a good way to go. Plus, red is sexy, which I’m sorry seems to be a more accurate symbol of something that is supposed to be a sexual union…unlike the association of white and "purity."

And I don’t think I have to really say anything about how they refer to the man in the gown as "odd." Actually I’d be pretty surprised if this was really the first time they had seen this at Kleinfeld.

So the point: In "saying yes to the dress" what are you really saying yes to?

-being reduced to a "bride," with all other important days of your life losing their importance?

-being taken advantage of by a business that has convinced you to pay an amount of money for something that would seem ridiculous in any other situation?

-taking advantage of sweat shop workers in china?

-being lumped together with all other brides, down to wearing the same color as millions of other women, and being called "odd" for thinking of doing otherwise? Giving up your identity?

Anyway, thoughts?