Old news but nonetheless: “dating advice”

Last night I was waiting in line at the pharmacy (to spend my $75 on prescriptions related to my female reproductive system) when I catch a glimpse of the cover of Cosmo: "Do this one thing on date #1 and he’s your’s." I couldn’t resist, I just had to see what this "one thing" was. I expected to be offended and horrified, but I just had to see.

Well, it wasn’t one thing, it was six. And they weren’t six things "to do" they were six things NOT to do. The article was written by a man, of course, though given that it was Cosmo I wouldn’t expect anything better from a women. I don’t think I remember all of them, but here are the points I found particularly offensive:

1) You are dressing for a guy, not a girl, so always wear heels, never wear flats. Never wear a loose dress, always wear tight jeans.

2) Don’t talk too much I: Girls tell boring stories.

3) Don’t talk too much II: Coming from a woman, mentioning something like how busy you’ve been at work sounds like complaining.

4) Don’t talk too much III: a guy will talk a lot because he wants you to feel close enough to him that you’ll have sex with him. But if a woman shares too much information, it makes you seem clingy and needy.

5) Don’t ever text or email him unless you’ve already had sex. If you haven’t had sex yet, he’ll lose the thrill of the chase if you make yourself too available.

So girls, if you like that guy, just don’t exist! Put on your ass-hugging jeans and heels, whether or not you like ass-hugging jeans and heels and shut the hell up! Nothing you’ve experienced is interesting to guy, and he sure as hell doesn’t want to hear your complaining about your career! And dear lord, don’t send that text- he’ll realize you’re too easy and probably think you’re clingy as well!

Ha, I guess this is why I rarely get too far with guys. Oh well!