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By elixir.r.clover • 14 years ago

What is the best path when your friend is being abused?

My best friend is in an abusive (emotionally and psychologically) relationship. I’ve tried talking to her about it but she shuts down and refuses to talk. Recently it has become almost impossible to meet with her alone. We will make plans to meet when her husband is working but he changes his schedule so he can join us. He is not aware that I know what goes on (as far as I can tell). He acts amicably towards me, which I believe is a good thing because I’m concerned he may try and cut off my contact with her if he had a problem with me.

I don’t know what to do. I know to make sure I don’t force her to make a decision because that will only lead to her choosing him. I don’t think she knows my opinion of him, although I have made it clear that she doesn’t deserve to be treated badly. It is important that I’m here for her so that when/if she leaves she has support.

Is it a good tactic to try and remain on her husband’s good side? I’m worried that by not taking a bigger stand, I’m just allowing the abuse to go on. Also I want to call a DV phoneline but I when I go to the websites I can never find out whether it’s ok to call about emotional abuse when there is currently no physical abuse.

I want my friend out of ...
By elixir.r.clover • 14 years ago

Why do we blame?

A few questions I wanted to explore and am hoping the community will help out here.

1) Why do we blame women?

2) Why are women held responsible for the actions of men?

In light of the Telegraph article which disgustingly misrepresented a scientific study regarding men who rape, I’ve been trying to formulate a post about blame. Why is victim-blaming so tenacious? No matter the logic, the studies, the facts, it is repeated over and over.

One conclusion could be that we feel safer if we can say a victim deserved it. We can think "Well I wouldn’t dress/act like that so I’m safe" This attitude to me is not only callous to the victim (kind of a "I told you so") ...

A few questions I wanted to explore and am hoping the community will help out here.

1) Why do we blame women?

2) Why are women held responsible for the actions of men?

In light of the Telegraph article ...
By elixir.r.clover • 14 years ago

Body Image – thin privilege?

I was reading Scarlett’s excellent post (and the subsequent discussion) and I was going to write this as a comment but it got so long I decided to write it as a post.
This post is in response to the inevitable comments about the difficulties that thin girls have that come up on posts regarding weight. I wanted to comment because I’ve been on both ends of this issue. I’ve been both underweight and (am currently) overweight. From 16 to 20 I had a BMI of 17 and accompanying it came all the mean comments (from friends no least!) and the problems buying clothes. I was obsessed with being as thin as I could be. If I ate anything ...

I was reading Scarlett’s excellent post (and the subsequent discussion) and I was going to write this as a comment but it got so long I decided to write it as a post.
This post is ...
By elixir.r.clover • 14 years ago

How do you cope with your lack of privilege?

Long term reader, first time poster but have been writing and re-writing posts over and over to get the perfect one – I’m just going to go for it this time!

I really needed to rant and also to ask, how do the rest of you cope? I try to be idealistic but sometimes (including tonight after a long and fruitless argument with some supposedly liberal men) I feel as if ending misogyny  and sexism is hopeless. Does anybody else feel like this? What do you do to cope with it? There are times when I just don’t know how I’m supposed to live in a world that is so set up against women.

I have had debate after debate with ...

Long term reader, first time poster but have been writing and re-writing posts over and over to get the perfect one – I’m just going to go for it this time!

I really needed to rant and also ...