What is the best path when your friend is being abused?

My best friend is in an abusive (emotionally and psychologically) relationship. I’ve tried talking to her about it but she shuts down and refuses to talk. Recently it has become almost impossible to meet with her alone. We will make plans to meet when her husband is working but he changes his schedule so he can join us. He is not aware that I know what goes on (as far as I can tell). He acts amicably towards me, which I believe is a good thing because I’m concerned he may try and cut off my contact with her if he had a problem with me.

I don’t know what to do. I know to make sure I don’t force her to make a decision because that will only lead to her choosing him. I don’t think she knows my opinion of him, although I have made it clear that she doesn’t deserve to be treated badly. It is important that I’m here for her so that when/if she leaves she has support.

Is it a good tactic to try and remain on her husband’s good side? I’m worried that by not taking a bigger stand, I’m just allowing the abuse to go on. Also I want to call a DV phoneline but I when I go to the websites I can never find out whether it’s ok to call about emotional abuse when there is currently no physical abuse.

I want my friend out of this situation. She is severely depressed and I’m seriously worried for her. He has already made her cut off contact with her parents. He is extremely manipulative and uses emotional blackmail to make her think she is the one to blame.

There is one other issue here. I also am potentially in a similar situation, although I am not married. This affects my credibility when talking with her about this. I’m also hoping that if I can call the DV hotline about emotional abuse, they can give me advice too.