“Asking for it”

(Trigger warning)

I was browsing a generic ‘funny pictures’ site earlier and came across a picture I’d seen once before. It was a picture of the back legs of a girl lifting her skirt up to below her buttocks with writing at certain points going up her leg, from ankle to thigh it goes; patronly, prudish, old fashioned, proper, flirty, cheeky, provocative, asking for it, slut, whore.

Ignoring the creative use of the word ‘patronly’, there are a couple of things disturbing about this picture.
Firstly, it very quickly goes from being ‘prudish’ and ‘old fashioned’ to ‘flirty’ ‘cheeky’ and ‘provocative’, now as any woman who has ever, I don’t know, left the house will know there are many judgements when it comes to what you wear and despite how hard we may try we never seem to get it right, either we’re prudish and frigid and should stop dressing like our moms, or we’re cheeky and flirty and need to put some goddam clothes on. More than just being annoying, such viewpoints can be dangerous.

Now, I’ve been attacked before, not raped thankfully and it was stopped before it went too far, but the question more than enough people seemed to have when they asked about the incident was ‘what were you wearing?’.  To me that question was nearly as pointless as asking what eye shadow I was wearing at the time but to others it seemed the most important thing (I was dressed in jeans, boots and a long sleeved top for those of you now wondering).

I soon grasped that what they were really trying to get at was, had I provoked the attack in some way?  Had I been flirty or provocative and made this person think that such an attack was invited? It was almost as though people were trying to justify the incident in some way, as though as far as the man was concerned all would have been forgiven had I been wearing something more revealing. Its a disturbing thought that anyone could think that a violent attack could be justified simply on the basis of what the woman was wearing (I specifically say woman because I have never heard of a man’s dress code being questioned after an attack).

My second least favourite word featured in this picture was ‘provocative’. Now to different people that word can mean different things and some people may say that a woman in say, a short skirt, is dressing to provoke attention, more specifically, sexual attention. This brings me to my least favourite word (or words) on the list, ‘asking for it’.

I’ve heard people say that a girl is ‘asking for it’ before, I’ve even been told myself that im ‘asking for trouble’, but when people say someone’s ‘asking for it’, what exactly does that mean? Are they insinuating that a person is asking for attention, asking for harassment, even asking to be raped?

It would be nice to think that such thoughts didn’t exist, why would a woman after all invite a sexual assault? Well, they wouldn’t obviously, but that doesn’t stop people regularly blaming the victim in some way or another for there own assault. The argument may be that the victim was drunk, or passed out; one California judge even let a stalker and rapist go free with the argument that the victim didn’t fight back hard enough to prevent her attack and therefore, it didn’t really count.
Perhaps most common is that argument that a woman’s wardrobe provoked the attack, and unfortunately it isn’t just a few men making this claim. A woman in Canada called Krista Ford, niece of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, commented on the recent sexual assaults in her area, she Tweeted; “Stay alert, walk tall, carry mace, take self defence classes, & don’t dress like a whore.”
Now the first options were looking promising, now see if you can guess which comment upset me.

The fact that women still have to fear such attacks is sickening enough, the fact that such attacks are still being justified is even further stomach churning. You know what I’ve never seen? Boys being sat down and told not to put there hands on a woman, boys being taught that no means no. I’ve seen plenty of talks with girls on how to try and avoid attacks, and I’ve seen many debates on why a woman was attacked, all these questions are aimed at the victim, never the attacker.
It’s as though there’s this ‘boys will be boys’ concept that if a guy sees a girl in a dress he just has to rape her I mean gosh what else will he do he’s a guy! and the responsibility for stopping such attacks from happening lies solely with the woman.

Not to mention that what might be ‘provocative’ to some might not be to others, it was just a hundred years ago after all that a girl showing her ankles was still considered improper.

I guess the point of me writing all this was, partially to vent frustration, but also to ask when exactly are we going to stop treating women like dogs that can be kicked around now and then, and giving a free ride to those doing the kicking.
I want to see a man asked ‘why did you attack her’ and not the acceptable answer be ‘she was asking for it, officer.’