Ode to Mom

I love my dads. I really do. I have been blessed with being related wonderful examples of exceptional human beings of both genders. But there has also been a lot in the news and media about motherhood from Rick Santorum’s disdain for single mothers, to “maverick Mom’s.” In these stories, I hear a lot about the “important male role model.” But when was the last time you heard about the “important female role model”?

I can’t think of anything, and yet, I am plagued by Public Service Announcements calling men to stand up and be a father. And while I appreciate the call for male responsibility in parenting, I can’t help but feel like this over-representation of fathers and under-representation of mothers is dangerous. It shows children that their father is to be valued more highly than their mothers. It reinforces the archaic belief that men are inherently better than women. It shows young girls that regardless of their personal story, that if they are single mothers, they are abusing their children by denying those children the single most important part of growing up – a relationship with a man. It also shows them that being a father is a choice – being a mother is expected. Which, I guess, is what pro-lifer’s are trying to say anyway.

This shows in our government too. That is why the fetus is valued greater than the mother. That is why single mothers are criticized while single fathers are praised. Why is there such an obsession with male role models (as if they aren’t plastered on every television screen, newspaper, magazine, video game, newscast, need I go on?) What is it about men that is more important than women?

In fact, the only time mothering is deemed important is when employers want to pay men more than women.

So I want to make a shout-out for my mother and the things I couldn’t have done without her.

1.) Loved myself – My mom was the first person to recognize how much I hated my body when I was in junior high and high school. She then made it a priority to remind me that I am beautiful and my body is perfect the way it was. My mother was the only reason I didn’t develop a deadly eating disorder. Thank you, Mom.

2.) Survive my first period – My mom must have had great instincts because one of the first books I remember her giving me was called Girl Talk and it discussed everything from maturing bodies to female role models. The important thing though is when I got my period before almost any other girl in my class, I was prepared. She had the “What To Expect From Your Crazy Body” talk with me early enough, that I didn’t discover blood on my underwear and run home crying, thinking I was going to die. Thank you, Mom.

3.) Learn that women can do anything – I didn’t know I was a feminist until I was in college. But the reason for that was because I already thought women ruled the world. My mom didn’t let being a woman stop her from anything, and I grew up with that. I grew up knowing I was just as important, intelligent, and special as any boy in my class. It wasn’t until college that I realized the rest of the country didn’t think so, but it was already ingrained in my head and my opinion is the only one that matters anyway. Thank you, Mom.

4.) Marriage is a partnership – I’m not married yet. But when I am married, my husband better not expect someone who is submissive and lives at his word just because he said so. I didn’t see any differences in power between my mom and my stepdad. They both made the rules. They both adhered to each other’s rules (so it was very rare that any of us got away with the ask one parent then ask another trick). They were both disciplinarians. They were both nurturers (When I did get my first period, my stepdad also gave me the “What You Can Expect From Your Crazy Body” talk, though not quite as timely as my mother’s). They made decisions together. Neither thought they were smarter or better than each other. Thank you, Mom.

5.) My voice matters – My family is one of those weird families that gets very intellectual when we all get together. From as far back as I can remember, my mom and uncle and stepdad (and when we were old enough us kids) would stay up late into the night solving the world problems. When I was old enough to stay up with them, my mom made sure they listened to my point-of-view, even though I was a child and *gasp* a girl. Thank you, Mom.

6.) I deserve the best – My stepdad adores my mother. Even when they fight. By choosing a man who respects her and loves her with everything he is, my mom showed me I deserve better than Prince Charming. I deserve the best. Damn right I’m picky. Thank you, Mom.

7.) I can stand up for myself and others – When we were young, a boy from the neighborhood punched my brother. That boy ran away, terrified that our stepdad would come after him. He should have been afraid of my mom, who promptly put tennis shoes on with her pajamas and marched over to his house and gave his mother a stern talking-to. I grew up knowing that women are just as capable of defending themselves and others as men are. Thank you, Mom.

8.) I can make a difference – My mom may not believe she makes a difference, but through her actions as I was growing up, the things she got involved in, the stances she took, I learned that I am just as capable of making a difference as anyone. Thanks, Mom.

9.) I have a choice – I was a self-righteous, arrogant snob when I was growing up. Anytime we debated the issue of abortion, I took the stance that women did have a choice, they could choose not to have sex. I was young and naive and hadn’t yet begun to think about sex as even a remotely appealing activity. Mom took the time to inform me of why it’s important that a woman has a choice, and though I didn’t listen then, her voice rang in my ear when I finally did get over myself. Thank you, Mom.

10.) People matter – Most of my family self-identifies as Christian. Sometimes the waters get pretty muddied in our family, especially concerning topics like pre-marital sex, homosexuality, abortion, drinking, etc. But my mom always made sure to look through the lens of “love the person.” So, (don’t tell anyone in our church, we might get kicked out) in reality, none of those things really matter. And when it comes down to it, people don’t deserve to be hated or discriminated against. She taught me how to love everyone, in my actions, attitude, and vote. In this same vein, I learned to not be a bully, and to stand up for people who are being hurt (my mom told stories about fights she’d been in as a girl, and they were all in defense of someone who couldn’t defend themselves.) Thanks, Mom.

There are so many other things I couldn’t have done without you, Mom. While television and politicians my think you are insignificant, you are the most important person in my life. I hope I grow up to be like you someday. Love you, Momma.