The beauty myth

A couple of weeks ago, I started watching a new television show on Hulu Plus called The New Girl. Jess’s (Zooey Deschanel) quirky and “adorkable” personality and Schmidt’s (Max Greenfield) cluelessness had me falling off my couch with laughter. Then there was this episode where Jess and the two other roommates were making fun of Nick (Jake Johnson) for the size of his gut. I started to get annoyed because he wasn’t even chubby. The next scene showed him in his bedroom in front of the mirror with his shirt off. This guy is seriously like two sit-ups away from a six pack, and they were making fat jokes about him! His bottom ribs were showing, and at first, I thought maybe he was just sucking everything in, but he wasn’t. He was just a slender man that everyone was calling fat. That’s when it hit me:

Hollywood would rather have everyone starve themselves than broaden their standards for beautiful women.

Women have complained for years about the beauty double standards upheld by television, movies, and magazines that have a place for chubby or unattractive men yet excludes women who fall outside a very narrow definition of beauty.

So why is Hollywood’s answer to the complaints of women to try to make men feel poorly about themselves too? Why can’t they simply broaden their standards of beauty for everyone?

Let’s not buy into this conspiracy. We may not be able to change what decisions Hollywood makes. But we can change the way we feel about ourselves. It’s not easy. I had a horrible horrible body/self image when I was growing up. But at the beginning of my freshman year of college, I couldn’t take it anymore. I started telling myself every time I looked in the mirror that I was beautiful. It took two years, but I started to believe it – and so did everyone else. I still have the same nose, same eyes, same body type, same lips and chin, but the way I feel about myself directly impacts the way other people will see me.  Sure, I still have my days when I feel ugly. But those days are months between.

Will this work for everyone? Probably not. But it’s a place to start. And if it doesn’t work for you, find something that will. Because you are beautiful. I don’t even have to see you to know that.

Beauty is not a formula. It’s not in the eye of the beholder. Beauty is everywhere and part of everyone. But nobody ever hears it. I’m willing to bet that even supermodels and movie actresses don’t hear that they are beautiful very often. Instead, they hear “hot” or “sexy” or “MILF”. But there is something more satisfying about hearing, “You’re beautiful” because “beautiful” is not about sex. It’s about dialogue and impact.

Unfortunately, the way other people see and respond to you also directly affects the way you feel about yourself. It’s a vicious cycle, but you can change it. When was the last time you told your best friend she/he was beautiful?