Why being vocal about your awesome, consensual rough sex is fighting sexual assault

Reblogged from http://pricklypants.com

Over the last 5 weeks I’ve been training to become a support worker for the Sexual Assault Support Centre of Ottawa. I still have a while to go, but it has definitely forced me to think about a lot of things differently than I have in the past.

Lately we have been discussing the medical and legal procedures that follow a sexual assault. The sad (and frankly, enraging) truth is that even if a woman goes straight to the hospital after her assault and her evidence kit shows bruising, cuts, scrapes, or internal tearing, cases will usually boil down to a battle over consent. It’s he said versus she said, and those cuts and bruises could have been from “rough, consensual sex.”

This is why it’s so important to educate people about what rough sex is really about. Yes, sometimes it results in bruises and scratches and burns, but the process of getting to a place of trust with a play partner is incredibly gentle. Most people in the kink and BDSM community are educated at length about consent and communication during play. I think there’s a myth in general public that people who like rough sex will put themselves in harm’s way from anyone to get it. We, as a community need to bust this myth.

Think of it this way, the next time you’re out with your gal pals or guy friends and everyone starts talking about sex, be vocal about how much you love rough play with your partner. Talk about the conversations you had leading up to the rough play, talk about why you have rough sex, and talk about aftercare, because every time you help to demystify and destigmatize rough sex, you are taking away that excuse from rapists and you are helping to put them away for the crimes they commit.