gender liberation & the quest for self-definiton

hello.

I am new to feministing so please don’t attack me when I state that I am biologically male!

Anyways, I though I might come on here for several reasons, the obvious being that I’m a 17 year old hardcore feminist who seeks to connect with others. However I also feel that as someone who is part of the trans-feminine spectrum, who hovers the line between stereotypically feminine gay male & transgender woman, I might add some (hopefully) interesting commentary to this community. I feel that as the tone of feminism moves from one of collective identity to a breakdown of the gender binary, queer theory and trans inclusion become so essential to understanding women’s liberation today. Feminism is not just about women, it’s about everyone.

So, let’s get started! Some basic facts we probably all know is that patriarchal society, in it’s attempts to repress & squander the hopes of the oppressed, through policy but often media as well, narrows down the individuals in that particular group & makes the defining characteristic of all those individuals their collective identity, which is seen as a threat, and therefore must be reduced to comic relief.

From black face to “disturbed, dikey, bra burning man-haters”, to Stanford on HBO…..anyways, you get the point.

One group in particular, the transgender community, doesn’t even have a place in pop culture which sadly is the ultimate sign of oppression. Transgender people are not really visible in the public eye. We occasionally hear about freaky, plastic surgery transvestites in snidbits on 60 minutes, but that’s all. The social ostracization these individuals face is astounding.

As I move forward in my life I notice how my identity is at odds in many ways with the one that pop culture assigns me. I do not identify as Stanford. One time at dinner at my school, a kid said to my friend that she was “queen of the gays”. She was close to me and also another gay male. Someone else in the conversation when I approached her, came up and asked who was the “bitch” in the relationship. We both laughed it off and were kinda confused. Does every gay male-heterosexual female friendship have to be based on power struggles and caddyness. I see many gay men fall into the “DIVA” role. Part of that I feel is socially influenced, part of it psychological. If society now offers feminine gay men this “way to be” then they might consciously/ sub-consciously fulfill it. Some of it is truly a real identity formed over the years. if feminine men, who society pushes down into the hellhole of masculinity, can finally be “free” then why not be a diva, let your flame fly! and don’t be ashamed of the fact that your inner “femininity” is coming out of someone male-bodied.  Indeed, due to dif. experiences from my girlfriends, I notice the “diva” in me sometimes as well. However when someone then says to me jokingly, that’s so gay ! I have to ask, what is gay? My femininity? Even if there is some relation between my gender expression and sexual orientation, why is that so odd? No one attacks your right to heels do they? Or your right to pants?

As I continue to discover and experience the fluidity that is my “gender identity”, and understand my evolving transgender self in the context of our rigid society I become so amazed at the way people now look at me on the street, and how those stares are so reflective of the world we sadly inhabit.

I wonder what your thoughts are on gender expression and its relation to the female struggle.

Hope i’m not an idiot.

THANKS