Stopping the unwanted ‘come-ons’

So today I read an article on Ms.com about a woman expressing her distaste with the fact that it seems socially appropriate for women to be hit on anytime anywhere, and I basically yelled amen!Finally somebody’s sayin something about this!!

As I so often do I let it simmer in my brain for a few hours and came upon, well a problem to say the least.  The issue goes beyond MEN(as the Ms. article only discussed hetero relations that’s what I’m responding to, not to discount nonheteronormative relations) believing they have license to hit on any woman at any time because as a society we are enforcing that belief.  There are constantly commercials, print ads, articles about women always looking your best/putting your best foot forward because you ‘never know when you’re going to meet Mr.Right’.  I have constantly been reminded that going to the laundromat or the grocery store requires a full face and just the right outfit…clearly if I’m going to the laundromat I’m out of ‘right’ outfits.  We cultivate this myth that there is a potential meet-cute around every corner and as such we should constantly be prepared to be hit on.  Let me be clear, I am in no way giving men an out, I’m just saying they didn’t come up with this idea on their own.  With many magazines sporting ‘tips’ what to do when that cute guy comes over to you or how to give him that come hither stare, it is no wonder than many men think women are ALWAYS open to come ons.

SO what is there to do?  There is no black and white way to solve this issue.  We can’t simply say ‘okay boys no more hitting on ladies in public ever’ bars would go out of business and there’d be a whole slew of articles on getting him to notice you(oh wait that’s already happening).  But clearly we cannot go on perpetuating the idea that every moment of every woman’s life is open season for every adam who sees her.  And I’m not sure we could compile an effective list of ‘ok’places to hit on women and ‘not ok’ places to hit on women.  Personally I go to the gym to work my issues out and damned if I want to talk to anybody, but I often see women who have painstakingly put together a ‘hot’gym look so as to garner the attention of every juicehead in the building.

As I said I’m really not sure where this leaves us.  I think it’s terrible that simple tasks like going to the gas station or picking up groceries can instantly turn into unwanted sexual advances, and personally I hate always having to be prepared with a quick ‘out’ if I need it.  But so long as we condone and promote this idea of ‘potential partners being anywhere’ we effectively tie our own hands.

This is the best I got:  I have found that by greeting every man I see with a laurel and hardy ‘go eff yourself’ before they even have a chance to say a word to me solves the problem, of course at this rate I may never actually get married but I’m sure a puppy will do.