Feminism and Apples to Apples

A few nights ago I played “Apples to Apples” with a bully. Said bully has been a pain in the butt his whole life, and is also the same dude responsible for my “click” moment at the age of 9-years-old.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with this super fun card game—everyone takes turns trying to describe a noun (green card) with a handful of adjectives (red cards) chosen by the other players. The noun was “nasty”, and it was my turn to pick a winning card. A few of my options were “my love life,” mold, and Tom Cruise. Among the rest of them, glaring at me from the rest of the pile, was “feminists.” When Mr. Bully saw the expression on my face, he began to snicker with laughter.

Recently more than ever I have found myself stuck between a rock and a hard place when it comes to chauvinist assholes. Given a particular situation, I can’t decide whether it’s more valuable to fight with bullies and present my valid (and usually correct) argument, or to just let it go because of the immense frustration I feel when trying to explain logic to morally incompetent people.

I wish I could say that I stood up to the bully and called him out on his crap, but I didn’t, and this is only one of the many instances I’ve let something like this slide. I laughed it off and didn’t react like I was “supposed to.”

Feminists usually have to deal with bull shit stereotypes and ignorant assumptions, therefore making it more difficult to communicate a rational argument. Just because it’s difficult to convince people of your opinion, however, doesn’t mean it’s impossible.

Susan B. Anthony didn’t succumb to her “bully” (also known as the United States’ government) when they told her women’s suffrage was impossible, Gloria Steinem continued writing about feminism and women’s issues when it wasn’t exactly the most popular thing to do, and Lily Ledbetter didn’t quit when she argued her case all the way to the Lily Ledbetter Fairy Pay Act.

We can all learn something from my mistakes: it might be easier to back down to a bully and ignore his/her stupidity, but it’s much more important to address the issue and not let the moment pass. Social change never happens overnight, and we are all responsible for taking advantage of these smaller moments of learning.

 Now, if someone can tell me the most constructive way to deal with this kid, I’d be very grateful.