Mothers Shouldn’t ____.

My friend, a single mother of two children, celebrated her 21st birthday last weekend. After she tucked her two kids into bed, her trusted neighbor came over to babysit, and she and I went out for drinks.

We got absolutely blasted– I think we each had about five drinks. We stayed out until nearly two in the morning, laughing and cutting up, until the booze wore off. Then, stone-cold sober, she returned home to her kids, paid the babysitter, and returned to her remarkably responsible life as a young, single mother.

I had been recounting our evening out to a mutual friend, and he interrupted me to say that he can’t believe she– my friend– would do that. He said that mothers shouldn’t drink, or at least not get drunk, because they have responsibilities.

This puzzled me– we didn’t get drunk around her children or do anything that could endanger them. Nobody puffed second-hand pot-smoke into  her baby’s crib or handed a margarita to her one-year-old. But still, our friend was judgmental about what mothers aren’t supposed to do.

I started thinking about what maternal responsbility means. Mothers should, according to our culture, abstain from drinking, smoking, sex, unhealthy eating, late nights out, and everything else deemed "slutty" or "irresponsible". Mothers shouldn’t do anything outside the kitchen or the nursery.

What does it mean to be a responsible parent? Can a mother get drunk and still be a good mother? Can she play video-games until three in the morning if she still takes care of her kids the next day? Can she smoke a joint and watch cartoons when her children are asleep in the next room?

Where do you draw the line of maternal responsibility? Is is ever okay to drink in front of children? Can mothers have grown-up fun without influencing their children negatively?

For that matter– do mothers who resign themselves to childbearing and cooking set a bad example, too? Is it okay for children to know that their mothers like getting drunk more than they like washing dishes?