By Courtney • 14 years ago

Guest Post: Mothering and Disability

For me, to be a woman with a disability, cerebral palsy, means to journey outside of the ramifications of femininity and fertility. The sexualization of the handicapped body is taboo. My sex life cannot be normal, it must exist for others as: a fetish, an impossibility or, at best, a co-habitation with another disabled body. As much as a women with a disability cannot be considered a whore, nor does she fit into the stereotypical mother role.
The birth of my son was planned, a September 11th baby. When I first learned that I was pregnancy nervousness over pain and ignorance about structure of my body led me to desire a scheduled c-section. The doctor where I had my first appointment told me something to the effect of “Boy, you’re on top of things, for a disabled person.'” I quickly found a new doctor. Once enrolled in a Bradley class, when I became educated about what a cesarean actually was, I opted for natural childbirth. In my final months, I attempted to switch from my next doctor, who called my birth plan a ‘wish list,’ to the now defunct Elizabeth Seton. However, the midwives at Seton would not take me because of my disability – or rather their misunderstanding of it. There was no added risk presented by my disability. My son was born, healthy and able-bodied, with the help of my husband and a doula–completely naturally.
The birth of my son appears in my mind, as a glorious victory. Ironically, for me, childbirth and mothering is was a rebellious act. The able-bodied women is expected, sometimes forced to reproduce. The woman with a disability is expected and forced not to – to the extent of forced sterilization. Here, my handicapped body (the body which society mistakenly views as weak) becomes normalized. Though it is my body that has always put me on the margin, through childbirth, my body becomes equal. As I wrote in a poem for my son, you are the only physical thing I will ever do.
Jennifer Bartlett’s first collection is Derivative of the Moving Image (UNM Press).

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