Transphobic Victim Blaming

This is my third post on transphobia in what may become a series. See posts one and two

At the time of this writing, my previous post regarding having sex while stealth has 273 comments, many of which are incredibly transphobic. Comments included accusations that trans people are being deceptive, that for a trans person to have sex without disclosing disrespects the sexual orientation of their partner, comparisons between trans people and sexually transmitted diseases, comparisons between trans people and the KKK, and statements that it is trans peoples responsibility to subjugate themselves for the comfort of transphobic people.

This is too much to cover in one post, but I would like to focus on one particularly hypocritical form of transphobia. A reoccurring theme in the comment threads was that transgender people shouldn’t enter relationships or have sex with people they think may be dangerous. This idea was expressed in a number of different ways:

“If you cannot feel comfortable sharing your gender with someone because you are afraid of what they might do, then you shouldn’t be sleeping with them in the first place.” – rebekah

“Why in the hell are you having sex with someone you think would perpetrate a hate crime against you if you tell them of your pre/non-op status?” – Gular

“You’re not a victim because you choose to be with someone who is detrimental to you, you’re a perosn who made a bad decision who chose to be with someone who makes worse decisions to your detriment.” – Phenicks

“The threats to safety that you reference are also really good reasons not to be involved romantically with someone. If you don’t feel safe with someone, don’t come out to them — but don’t have a sexual relationship with them either.” – KBZ

This is victim blaming.

Perpetrators often don’t care whom they direct their violence towards except for one critical factor: whether or not they would get away with it. This is a huge part of the reason that marginalized members of society are disproportionately victims of violence.

Trans people aren’t at risk for abuse and violence by being trans, by being out, by being stealth, by dating, by having sex, or any other reason related to who they are or what they do. They are at risk because we live in a culture that considers these things to be reasonable excuses.

When your response to transphobic violence is to tell trans people that they shouldn’t sleep with transphobes, you’re implying that violence and abuse are natural consequences of sleeping with the wrong person while trans. You’re erasing the actions of the perpetrator and shifting blame onto the victim.

You are sending a clear message that you have little sympathy for trans victims of crime unless they act according to your standards, and by extension you’re sending a clear message to perpetrators that you’re less likely to hold them responsible. These messages make trans people very appealing targets.

By sending these messages, you are making trans people more vulnerable to violence and abuse.

Even in the best of circumstances when trans people are told to be careful for the sake of risk management, it’s presumptuous and patronizing to assume that cisgender people know better than transgender people how to manage the risks. It is up to each individual trans person to evaluate the risks of any given situation, to decide what risks they are willing to take, and to decide on the appropriate action.

Feminists have been spending decades working to dismantle rape culture and to ensure that no victim is blamed for violence committed against them. After all of the work that has been done, it is incredibly hypocritical to turn our backs on trans people by telling them that violence is a natural consequence of who they are.

Is it any wonder that so many trans women don’t feel welcome in feminist spaces?