Standing up to a creepy uncle

I’m feeling a weird mixture of accomplishment, anger and pride. I’ve always had feminist ideas, but only recently realised that my beliefs and values were based on feminism. Over the past year I’ve been reading and educating myself further and learning why I thought things were right/wrong/confusing etc. One of the common things that seems to be underlying many issues is power and the way the party with the power uses or abuses that power (regardless of whether the holding of that power is real, perceived, just or unjust).
I can see through my own socialisation that I’ve had values and perceptions of power, eg. who could have power of me and what was acceptable, from birth. In particular I have a lot of trouble standing up to men (I am a cis gendered, straight female) in my life who I believe hold power over me particularly around issues of sex/sexuality. (Whether they do or not is another question, but I think that because I believe that I can’t stand up to them that ‘they’* actually do hold power over me.) In the past this fear or belief that what I wanted wasn’t as important has led to unwanted/begrudgingly consensual sex. Part of my fear was that I would be called a prude, uptight, called a tease or a variety of other names or I guess in the extreme sex would be taken from me anyway. Part of this was my belief that in a relationship there was a right to sex/touching etc. or that I couldn’t speak up – particularly if I couldn’t put my finger on what was bothering me. However, this hasn’t just happened in dating relationships that I’ve been involved in.

A few years ago things were reaching a fairly disturbing point with one of my uncles. From a young age I remember him touching me in a way that made me feel uncomfortable. However other people were around and didn’t seem to notice so I didn’t think there was anything wrong with it. My female cousins started to avoid him as he did the same thing with them as well. I managed to avoid him soon after I realised that I didn’t have to put with what he was doing.
When I started until I saw him again at a family gathering a started chatting with him. I didn’t get a weird vibe and he’s actually quite an intelligent, interesting man so I thought that maybe I could have some sort of family relationship with him. However things started to get weird again pretty quickly. He invited me up to visit him and his wife on holidays. I knew that I didn’t want to go alone (big red flag), so in the end, rather than not going as I felt that I had to fulfil my duties (whatever they may be), I dragged my brother up just so nothing would happen (writing this gives me the creeps – what was I thinking?????).
When we were up there, he touched me inappropriately – not necessarily sexually, but it felt really wrong. I didn’t feel that I had a voice to speak up to him, but when I got home I told my mum. My mum was great and called him up and confronted him straight away. He got really offended and used a variety or justifications/excuses (eg. You’re being too sensitive, it’s a shame people see a hug as something more these days – you can’t appreciate your family etc.). I tried to explain that I was uncomfortable with his touching and that that is where it should have stopped. I also tried to point out that he didn’t ever touch or show any interest in his nephews and questioned why he felt it was appropriate or acceptable to touch his nieces. He couldn’t see what I was saying, got extremely offended and promptly stopped talking to us which was fine. I hated that he ultimately disregarded everything else about me (my intelligence, my humour, my kindness) and reduced me to being an object for his gratification by touching me in a way that made me feel uncomfortable. It really hurt that he couldn’t see what I was saying. I was extremely thankful for my mum who stood up for me but part of me wished that I had to words or the confidence to speak up for myself.
This week, after three years I had contact with this uncle through a family matter. I didn’t really interact with him, but at the end of the night he gave some people hugs (women only) and put his arm around me and said “Isn’t this better?” I didn’t really hear him and it’s only on reflecting what’s happened previously that I realised he was talking about us physically touching. Thinking about this creeps me out no end. Today he came over with another of my uncles (good uncle) and they dropped off a car. I was showing them up the driveway when I dropped my phone and lent over to pick it up. As I leant over I felt my bum being touched/patted/smacked. I got up and turned around to see that it was the creepy uncle and that he was smiling at me. I saw red. I’m a grown woman – who has repeatedly told him that what he does it inappropriate and that he is not to do it again. Why does he think that after all I’ve said to him that he can do something like that? Why doesn’t he listen to me and what I want? I know that he probably doesn’t see me as anything more than some young, pretty, sex thing – which infuriates me. I quickly turned on me heel and said “NO! None of that.” My other uncle (the good one) didn’t see what happened and was a bit confused at that I said. So I said loud and clear for everyone around to hear “Uncle XXXX just touched my bum and I don’t want that to happen. I don’t like it. None of that.” I was firm, loud and extremely clear in what I said. Creepy uncle stopped smiling, dropped his head and shoulder and walked inside.
I really wish that I had gone of my nut and swore at him. However, I guess standing up for myself straight away and seeing him lose that smirk and shrink back has made me realise that I am actually starting to come into my OWN POWER and that it’s a great feeling to tell someone to back off!! Actually, it’s a fantastic feeling. I’m not going to talk to that uncle again – I don’t think he’ll ever respect me which makes me quite sad. I know I’m not invincible and that standing up to people who are close to me/my family is something that I will need to work on, but I feel a lot more confident after today’s confrontation. I just wanted to share my story.
I would like to hear any stories of when you first realised that you were standing up for yourself or coming into your own power.
* they – I’m not sure who or what ‘they’ is – maybe it’s me, maybe it’s patriarchy, maybe it’s the individuals. However, as I’ve written I’m working on this and overcoming it!!