Effortless Perfection

The term “effortless perfection” was first coined by a student at Duke University (whose name, interestingly, I have been unable to find despite scouring the internet for it). You’ve probably heard of it before. Or, if not, you’ve probably thought it. It refers to the expectation that women fit our society’s unrealistic and arbitrarily-defined standard of beauty and desirability without seeming to expend any effort to achieve it. (The conversation at Duke also included the concept of achieving academic perfection without trying too hard. It’s a great topic and worthy of discussion, but I’ll omit it in this particular post because the subject matter is already broad enough as it is. Plus it’s less personally vent-worthy for me. Eh well.)
Most heterosexual men are consistent in their description of the kind of women they look for.They want a woman who’s “real.” Someone who’s willing to be herself. They don’t like it when women diet or worry about their weight. It’s a turn-on when women can actually eat . And they’ll all decry the superficiality of makeup, and express a preference for “natural” women.

At first glance, these all seem healthy, supportive, even pro-feminist. However, even a cursory glance below the surface of the expectations of these same men quickly exposes their blatant hypocrisy. Many heterosexual men (not all, but many) still prefer the tanned, groomed, photoshopped fantasy they are perpetually fed by the media. The men who talk about how they love when a woman doesn’t diet or worry about her weight turn right around and fat-shame the women they deem unattractive. The men who decry the superficiality of make-up are nonetheless quick to judge (even “rate” or “rank”) a woman’s face, blissfully ignorant to the incredible difference well-applied makeup can make.
In short, many heterosexual men still expect women to fit their artificially constructed fantasy, as long as it is (as far as the men can tell, at least) authentic. As long as it’s easy. They want a woman who is as beautiful as a celebrity without makeup, and as sexually adventurous as a porn character without violating her boundaries. They want a size 2 woman who eats burgers and doesn’t diet. They like a relaxed woman, who can just lounge around in jeans and a comfy top, as long as it looks like this, not like this. (Yes, they’re both Jessica Simpson.) They want a woman with large breasts, as long as she doesn’t “fake it” with a push-up bra or surgery. They want a straight woman who can lie in bed, writhing in pleasure, belting “I kissed a girl and I liked it”” while the camera repeatedly zooms in on her breasts, legs, and tongue. After all, she said she likes it!!!
I remember watching a movie with a blatently misogynistic ex-boyfriend of mine (whose worldview was best encapsulated in his statement that “Men can’t be promiscuous. They’re just being men. It’s only ‘promiscuous’ if a slutty woman does it”) in which the main character had an affair. My then-boyfriend remarked about halfway through the movie that it’s understandable that the man would cheat on his wife–after all, “the mistress is way hotter.” I swallowed about a dozen criticisms of that statement. However, I couldn’t resist pointing out the amount of eye makeup the mistress character wore. It would be impossible to tell whether her authentic face is beautiful or not. (Yes, I know that even my response was problematic, but sometimes you’ve got take baby steps with these guys.) He brushed it off, as though I were crazy. Later in the movie, “the mistress” was shown crying and not wearing any makeup. She was barely recognizable. Without the makeup, she didn’t even look like the same person. He turned to me, totally aghast, and admitted that I had been right all along. Glad I could rock your world with the stunning revelation that makeup makes women prettier, asshole.
Another misogynistic ex-boyfriend of mine had one of his notorious “you really need to lighten up” moments when I was disgusted at the promotion of a “College Girls of…” calendar, featuring softcore pornographic pictures of students at the local university. He told me that there’s nothing exploitive about the calendar, considering “those girls clearly like it.” As though these women were spontaneously prancing around in bikinis and stilettos, posing suggestively and dreaming of the day some college dudes would come take their picture and sell it to other college dudes . Trust me, my attempts to explain performative sexuality and the male gaze to him fell on deaf ears.
In these ways, our sexuality, our faces, our bodies, and our whole personalities become nothing more than performances. And to limit the scope of this discussion to performance for heterosexual men cheapens the problem–we do the same with our teachers, our friends, and our parents. We play into every hurtful fantasy and double-standard, desperately hiding the evidence that it doesn’t come naturally to us. Thousands of women are hiding food in napkins so no one realizes how little they’re eating. Others are eating normally, but purging later when no one is watching. All of them insist they “just have a high metabolism, I guess.” Some women are shopping for the most sexy and flattering outfits money can buy–to wear while they’re working out, lounging around, cleaning, or sleeping. Some are learning for the first time that as long as you don’t wear too much blush or too-bright lipstick, men will be entirely oblivious to the amount of makeup you’re using to hide your “flaws” and reshape your features.
Admittedly, none of this is news to feminists. It remains, however, successfully hidden from the heterosexual men who demand this brand of “authenticity” so vehemently. How will they ever learn that authentic women come in all different shapes, sizes, and personalities when so many heterosexual women continue to impersonate Paris Hilton, Katy Perry, and Britney Spears (the early years)? How can we women ever stop this impression, when we know that giving up the act will cause us to be judged, dehumanized, and/or fat-shamed? Indeed, perhaps the toughest issue surrounding the myth of “effortless perfection” is the question of how to eradicate it.
Unfortunately, this is a question for which I do not have an answer. What do you think?