Passive-Aggressive Victim Blaming

I’m always frustrated and saddened at victim-blaming, but it’s especially disheartening to see it from a woman, on a woman’s website, by an advice columnist.

There is so much wrong with the response that she gives to the first letter writer, and most of it has been detailed in the 8 pages of comments. But what is most frustrating to me is the blatant passive-aggression of Ms. Rosenfeld’s response. She won’t come right out and say that the letter writer is lying. She just hints at it with extremely condescending phrases (“Only you can know”). It reminds me nothing so much of media coverage of rape trials (“So you were drunk, and wearing revealing clothing? Hmm.”). Regardless of whether this woman was sexually assaulted or not, she was still the victim of a crime, and a common one at that. 

Almost more disturbing is Ms. Rosenfeld’s response.

In yet another example of passive-aggression, Ms. Rosenfeld presents a non-apology; essentially “I’m sorry for those of you who were offended – clearly you didn’t get it. But hey, at least I got a debate going!” 

Aside from the victim-blaming, Ms. Rosenfeld’s ideal of female friendship seems at best incredibly limiting and at worst indicative of every negative stereotype about female friendship – that we are catty and shallow, and that we spend most of our time talking about boys. It isn’t any wonder, from someone who wrote a book called I’m So Happy For You, the title written with obvious sarcasm as the content is about jealousy between “best friends.”

Obviously there are more important issues, and I think many on this site don’t expect much from Double X anyway, but please take the time to make your voice heard anyway – someone who gives irresponsible, un-empathetic  advice that peddles in the worst stereotypes of women should not have a column on website that purports itself to be for women.