Shaking up my paradigm: what does Choice really mean?

I’ve long been a reproductive health advocate. While I live in Canada, I follow repro health stories from around the world: cringe when you cringe, cheer at the small victories [there is no criminal regulation of abortion in Canada… though it’s by no means a moot issue here, it’s nothing like the battle currently waging in the US]. It’s an issue that I am very passionate about, because access to reproductive health options is so important to me.
So it was when I found myself pregnant last week that I also found my foundations shaken.
This is not to be read as “suddenly, the white light poured over her, and the rationale of the sanctity of the fetus’ right to life opened her cold, cold heart”. This is most certainly not the case. It shook the foundations of what my arguments in support of abortion sounded like.

It’s easy to say we can’t restrict abortion because some women are single and living on limited means. Or in an abusive relationship, to which a child would be an additional tie. Or that a pregnancy is a result of rape or incest and carrying it to term would be additional hardship. Or the woman is young, or unable to support herself alone. Maybe that the health risks of carrying a child to term outweigh the benefits of continuing that pregnancy. Perhaps, she already has children. Or maybe a woman may feel she is just not cut out for parenthood at all. These are my favourite points and I tend to drive them home with passion. I’m convinced it’s the right thing to do.
There’s a million good reasons, I’m sure, but I don’t meet a single one of those “requirements”. I’m healthy, in a stable relationship with my partner, I have a job from which I can support myself, I have the desire to be a mother some day… all of my favourite champion points do not apply to me, and yet I find myself contemplating the big A, because I just don’t think now is the right time.
The hardest part about my decision is that I don’t fit into my own mantra of women who are perfect examples of those who “need choice”. The disconnect has made me feel guilty and anxious about even considering having an abortion, just because of a birth control failure.
All this has made me realize, that I should be championing, also, for the women for whom it is simply not the right time. Even though it may seem the harder argument to make; the step into the slippery slope BS that props up pro-life rhetoric, erasing from the conversation that abortion is also there for women like me only adds to the shame and guilt heaped upon women already making a tough decision.
Getting over that choice is something you can exercise, even when you’re not in an irreconcilable position has been hard for me. Something time-sensitive I’m still struggling with. So from here on out, I promise to include this kind of choice into the dialogue and stop erasing the existence of women who just want to wait. They deserve choice too.