I Have a Confession to Make…

I have a confession to make.

I completely forgot about this website about a month after I made my last, and only, post. When I discovered this blog last summer, I was amazed by the community and the great stories that everyone had to tell and, eventually, I made that first great leap of faith and wrote something myself. Needless to say, I was ecstatic when a few people actually took the time to appreciate what I had written and comment on my entry. I was excited. I was enthusiastic. I was full of ideas and ready to make them a reality.

And then senior year started and there were five AP classes and twelve college applications to the most selective schools on the east coast and hours and hours of figure skating practice every week and, just like that, all thoughts of feminism and my love of writing for the sake of writing were lost. I suddenly found myself drowning in the chaos that I had always prided myself on being in control of. After three years of thinking of myself as a master of the art of ‘time-management and organization with minimal to no stress’, I couldn’t take anymore and was officially done. Only problem? I was six months too early. So after eleven years (and three months) of private school and great grades, when those big, fat envelopes from Ivy League institutions were so close to landing in my mailbox, I was suddenly a high school dropout.

I still have a hard time thinking of myself as a dropout because in
my mind, I’m just taking time off. Which I am. I’m completely fine with
the turn my life has taken because, while my parents and friends and
teachers think I’m completely crazy for doing this, I know that a) I
needed this, b) my life is not over, despite what my parents have
driven themselves into thinking over the last six months, and c) the
fact that I’m sitting in my room writing this while at this very moment
my former classmates are receiving their diplomas does not change the
fact that I am still incredibly smart and, if that last statement
didn’t make it obvious enough for you, pretty fucking confident in
myself, my decisions, and my future. 

I’m sure that was probably far more than any of you want to know
about me or my life, but if one good thing has come from this crazy
mess of my life that I can’t help but enjoy, if only because I’ve
always loved seeing other people completely shocked by my words and
actions, it’s that I’ve rediscovered what I found out last summer when
I first visited this site: everybody has a story and a voice and
there’s always somebody out there longing to listen and respond and
connect. So to whoever is reading this, thank you for being that person
for me.

And this time, I promise to stick around for more than a month.