Ask Professor Foxy: Transitioning and Changing Sexuality

This weekly Saturday column “Ask Professor Foxy” will regularly contain sexually explicit material. This material is likely not safe for work viewing. The title of the column will include the major topic of the post, so please read the topic when deciding whether or not to read the entire column.

Hia Professor Foxy.
I’ve been enjoying your column, but must admit I feel sort of embarrassed writing in myself…
Anyway, I’m a trans woman in the process of transitioning, and having a lot of frustration in figuring out how to deal with my ever-changing sexuality. That is, over the past year or so, hormones have physically changed my body quite a bit, and that’s my sexuality in ways you might expect (having boobs is fun!) and also in ways you might not (I’m finding the type of stimulation I’m looking for has changed, but I’m not quite sure what it’s changed to!). I haven’t had “the surgery” (so I’m not sporting the svelte feminine contours below the waist) which just seems to complicate things more: there aren’t a ton of respectful resources on the sexuality of pre-op women, written with the goal of helping pre-op women to be sexual.
I expect a lot of the advice I’m looking for would apply to anyone dealing their sexuality for the first time (or the first time after major body changes): explore (alone or with a partner) what feels good, and go from there. That’s all well and good but, as I said, there are lots of resources for doing that directed at cisgendered men and women, and fewer for trans men and women.
Am I needlessly over-thinking things, or is there any hope out there?
-Frustrated

Hi Frustrated
Congratulations on the new boobs! I want to echo your thoughts on new desires emerging during your transition. It wasn’t until friends of mine started transitioning that I really understood the power of hormones. I think you are right that hormones that you take are impacting your sexuality. Our desires and sexual needs are complicated, complicated things and they are certainly impacted by what hormones to what levels. I also think that starting to have an outside appearance that mirrors your insides is likely also having an impact.
Part of this process is also going to have to be exploring your new body and your new desires and not judging yourself during this process. You can even think of it as a burden or as an extra gift during transition. Unlike cisgendered women, who typically have to get used to things on their body, you are going to be able to explore things on your body that you very much want: the breasts, the hips you will likely develop. Enjoy it!
I did a bunch of web and asking my people research and my experience in trying to find some good, respectful, positive resources was also not great. Everything I found tended to be about the transitioning or coming out process, but I have a few suggestions, which I hope help.
The first is www.strap-on.org, which bills itself as a “queer positive, trans positive, sex positive, girl positive community.” It is a message board, not a resource site, but I found the conversations and mission to be smart and engaging. It is easy to start your own thread. My other suggestion is live journal, which can become an online community. You might start by checking out the communities of mtf_undressed and mtfinbed. I also like following Kate Bornstein, an amazing trans woman activist who is also sex positive, on twitter.
There will unfortunately, be transphobic asses everywhere, but these sites seemed to be overwhelmingly positive.
Enjoy your journey – you deserve it.
Professor Foxy
If you have a question for Professor Foxy, send it to ProfessorFoxyATfeministingDOTcom.