Recovered Memories – Really Not That Controversial Anymore

I posted the letter to my non-survivor friends which received a lot of attention. Thanks for all your support. (And thank you to all of my friends, if you’re reading this!)
But it also received some criticism, especially this post which cast doubt on the validity of my ‘recovered’ memories.
Look, everything should be open to debate. And there have been, especially in the 1990s, some horrific cases of false accusations. But:
• The science – it’s definitely true that it is pretty easy to convince people that something happened that didn’t, in fact, take place. That is particularly true in children. But for false memories to happen, someone has to plant them there. No reputable therapist would ever ‘lead on’ their patient. The individuals I’ve met who also recovered memories did it outside spontaneously. And there’s plenty of science to support the idea of recovered memories. For a good summary see this site. For some very interesting imaging studies see here.
• Why would so many people invent such a thing? Ask yourselves, would you invent such a horror story about YOUR parents? At the beginning, when my memories started (spontaneously) to surface I didn’t want to believe. I desperately went through the thoughts in my head and tried to convince myself that my father’s hand didn’t in fact go there; if there was any manipulation, it was me trying to forget what I had just remembered. It took me a long time to talk to people who knew me, to reexamine my life and reach a certain peace with the truth. And the truth is that my father sexually abused me.
• The main organization pushing the ‘false memory syndrome’ idea, used to have sketchy characters such as Dr. Ralph Underwager as members. For more about him, see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ralph_Underwager and http://www.nostatusquo.com/ACLU/NudistHallofShame/Underwager2.html. This organization is spearheaded by people accused of sexual abuse. Don’t you think they have other interests?
• This is purely anecdotal, but the people I know who recovered memories of sexual abuse didn’t do so after their therapist said to them ‘I think you were sexually abused’. Something external triggered them outside of therapy, and they managed to various details. Like one woman who found that her cousin was abused by the same person, who then apologized. And the mother who confirmed to her daughter that yes, the mother’s then-boyfriend had touched her when she was a child. When I started remembering, I wasn’t even thinking about sexual abuse – I was thinking about my past, yes, but honestly it had enough fucked up things in to justify my emotional problems without the incest.
• Allegations of false accusations are a regular phenomenon when people talk about date rape as well – you always see ‘men’s rights activists’ posting angry responses about the ‘epidemic’ of false rape accusations. Well, guess what – that’s not true either.
There really wasn’t enough information in my post for anyone to conclude that my memories were false. I’m actually kind of shocked to see the response, especially on Feministing. It was completely inappropriate, to say the least. It were one thing if the author had raised the subject generaly – but to accuse a specific individual, without any information whatsoever?
Luckily for me, this is the first time anyone has cast doubt on my memories. My brother (to whom I was never close) believed me immediately. So did my friends. Why? Because they knew the context. They knew me, they knew my father, they knew the kind of life I’d lead. There was really no reason to doubt.

•    Why would so many people invent such a thing?  Ask yourselves, would you invent such a horror story about YOUR parents?  At the beginning, when my memories started (spontaneously) to surface I didn’t want to believe. I desperately went through the thoughts in my head and tried to convince myself that my father’s hand didn’t in fact go there; if there was any manipulation, it was me trying to forget what I had just remembered.  It took me a long time to talk to people who knew me, to reexamine my life and reach a certain peace with the truth.  And the truth is that my father sexually abused me.
•    The main organization pushing the ‘false memory syndrome’ idea, used to have sketchy characters such as Dr. Ralph Underwager as members.  For more about him, see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ralph_Underwager and http://www.nostatusquo.com/ACLU/NudistHallofShame/Underwager2.html.   This organization is spearheaded by people accused of sexual abuse.  Don’t you think they have other interests?
•    This is purely anecdotal, but the people I know who recovered memories of sexual abuse didn’t do so after their therapist said to them ‘I think you were sexually abused’.  Something external triggered them outside of therapy, and they managed to various details.  Like one woman who found that her cousin was abused by the same person, who then apologized.  And the mother who confirmed to her daughter that yes, the mother’s then-boyfriend had touched her when she was a child.  When I started remembering, I wasn’t even thinking about sexual abuse – I was thinking about my past, yes, but honestly it had enough fucked up things in to justify my emotional problems without the incest.
•    Allegations of false accusations are a regular phenomenon when people talk about date rape as well – you always see ‘men’s rights activists’ posting angry responses about the ‘epidemic’ of false rape accusations.  Well, guess what – that’s not true either.

There really wasn’t enough information in my post for anyone to conclude that my memories were false.  I’m actually kind of shocked to see the response, especially on Feministing. It was completely inappropriate, to say the least.  It were one thing if the author had raised the subject generaly – but to accuse a specific individual, without any information whatsoever? 

Luckily for me, this is the first time anyone has cast doubt on my memories.  My brother (to whom I was never close) believed me immediately.  So did my friends.  Why?  Because they knew the context.  They knew me, they knew my father, they knew the kind of life I’d lead.  There was really no reason to doubt.