What to do about bigoted family?

This post was inspired by this post by Ann.

I just moved back to the States after spending the last five years living overseas on military bases. I was only 19 when I left and so I have established myself as an adult away from the immediate influences and attitudes of my family. Now that I’m back, this has led to an interesting conundrum.

I’ve changed, my family hasn’t.

Some might find it surprising that living in a military environment would lead me to be less sexist, racist, or homophobic–but it hasn’t. The military institution may be racist and homophobic, but the people I chose to befriend, the people I grew with and grew to love, weren’t. Military bases aren’t only populated by military people. They aren’t even only populated by military families. There are government contractors, DoDDs workers, etc. And, of course, not all military personnel hold racist or homophobic views. If there is one thing the military is not, it’s not racist. It’s forced anti-racism, if it’s anything. I have now had friends of all skin tones and from many different countries of origin. With such a diversity of people, it’s no wonder these last five years have changed me.

Now, however, when I go home, I’m acutely aware of the sexist, racist, and homophobic attitudes of my family. Growing up, they were so common, so there , that I’m ashamed to admit I never noticed them. I even subscribed to them. Gag. But now, it’s all different. As the hymn goes, I once was blind but now I see. It’s an extremely uncomfortable situation for me.

I love my family, dearly. I would never want to hurt them. Once, on a previous visit, I pointed out that a comment my mom made was racist. I actually said, "Wow. That’s really racist, Mom." She was utterly unconvinced that what she had just said was, in fact, racist.

So, I guess, basically, how should I respond to this general atmosphere? My current method of sitting in uncomfortable silence just isn’t doing it for me, I think. Should I keep blantantly pointing out their bigoted points of view like I did before? Should I try witty comebacks? What?