Sometimes We Just Need Someone To Tell Us We’re Not Crazy

Sometimes we just need someone to tell us we’re not crazy, that whatever is making us think we might be crazy is extraneous and probably wrong.

This is one of those times for me.

For the past few months, I’ve been noticing how hard it is for me to catch my breath after walking up even the smallest flight of stairs.  Sometimes, I’ll wake up in the middle of the night with my heart beating wildly for no apparent reason.  And just last night, I was trying to talk and walk briskly at the same time but found myself having to stop talking just to breathe. 

I’ve had some other health issues recently that aren’t really resolved, too, including a newly-discovered heart murmer that means I’m getting an electrocardiogram next week.

My SO keeps telling me that we’re just out of shape.  Considering we walk more now than we used to, and I feel more out of breath now than I used to, I don’t believe it.  But hearing him say that, and having to repeatedly justify my worries in the face of his skepticism makes me second guess myself.  (And I already second guess myself on my health a lot as it is, since I’m constantly worried about whether or not insurance will cover it.)  He seems to think I’m just making things up so that I can go to the doctor (because that’s so much fun?), or exaggerating normal things.

The thing is, I’ve been on the pill for almost 10 years straight.  I was a smoker during some of that time too.  Plus, just being tired and having to fight for breath constantly is bound to make a person paranoid.  Fighting with him over it (because that’s what inevitably happens – he tries to brush it off and I get pissed that he doesn’t believe me or think that I know my own body well enough to know the difference between when something is just slightly off or way off) is not really helping. 

Has anyone else had heart problems because of their birth control, or even just weird things going on with their body that other people wouldn’t believe them about?  I know I can’t be alone but I really need to hear from other people that I’m not.