Smiling Othering: How to Cope?

(Excerpted from a post at The Feminist Underground )

Othering is "a way of defining and securing one’s own positive identity through the stigmatization of an ‘other.’ " It is the "[s]implistic recognition of normal human diversity, combined with ethnocentric thinking [that] can lead to a tendency to depict ‘others’ …as somehow, categorically, topologically, intrinsically, DIFFERENT." It is also incredibly common.

Othering is so common, in fact, that people are often unaware that they are doing it, and will even Other you to your face – while smiling at you. I’ve been thinking about how to best handle this type of ‘smiling othering’ since reading two excellent posts about this phenomenon, one I recognize all too well.

The first example comes via Female Science Professor , who writes about a conversation she had at a recent overseas conference where a male scientist said to her “I once worked with a Female Scientist.”  He then wanted to discuss just how novel an experience working with a woman – in science! – had been.

The next is from Carmen at Anti-Racist Parent , who got Othered at a Staples. She was waiting in line to make some photocopies, when the man in front of her turned around and asked if she were Hawaiian.  When she told him that she was not, he kept hounding her about her ethnicity until she admitted that she had some Chineese ancestry.  He then tried to speak Mandarin to her, even though she’d already explained that she was born and raised in California.

In both examples, the conscious intent wasn’t to make anyone uncomfortable – in fact, the speakers were trying to be friendly. The result, however, is to point out – repeatedly – that the male/white is normal and accepted, while anything else is remarkable and calls for an extended explanation.

I’m going to guess that most of us have been Othered at various points in our lives, and sometimes by people who seemed to mean no harm. So my question is – how have you been othered, and how did you deal with it? When someone seems good-natured even as they insist that we are different , how should we respond?