Hair, make-up, and high heels: Making choices about your body

As a feminist I have begun to examine why I do some of the things that I do.  I realize that a lot of my behavior is shaped by heteronormative, patriarchal, societal expectations.  One of the first things I began examined at the beginning of my freshman year of college was hair.  For most of my teenage life I have struggled with hair: not having enough, having too much, not styling it correctly and so on. In high school almost all of the girls had long, thick, shiny hair.  I was not blessed with the genes for thick hair.  My hair is fine and has a tendency to be frizzy even though I have straight hair.  Despite this, I joined the bandwagon and faithfully grew out my hair. 

Once I got to college I started to think "Why?"  Long hair did not look good on me.  My hair was thin, so that it had no volume at the top, but was frizzy on the ends, and if I used the products my friends swore by it looked greasy.  I started to realize it had a lot to do with how societal ideals of feminity.  Long hair was a sign that I was feminine.  I never liked having it long, and I had no good reason to keep it long (because I knew my hair did not equal my femininity).  So I cut it.  I didn’t just take a few inches off.  I cut 10 inches off of my hair.  One of my friends that went to the hair salon with me cried.  The funny thing is I wasn’t sad at all.  I felt liberated.  I had made a decision for myself.  I didn’t think about whether boys liked longer or shorter hair; I didn’t think about my parents’ opinions or my friends’ for that matter.  I made an autonomous decision about my body.

Last year (my third year of college) I started to think about hair again.  I started to think about why I had to get rid of my body hair.  For a long time I didn’t pluck or wax my eyebrows.  I just let them be in their natural state.  Several people across the years would ask me why, suggest that I get them "done," or offer to "fix" them.  My stepmother told me how it would make me prettier.  When I went to get my hair cut, the stylist told me about how they also did eyebrow waxing and asked if I was interested.  And finally one of my close friends convinced me to let her pluck them.  After she did I thought my face looked weird.  It didn’t look like me anymore.

After that incident I started to think more critically about why I shave.  I couldn’t think of a good reason for doing it besides the fact that everyone else did.  Women in my life have always done it.  When I was in fifth grade and started to get darker leg hair the other girls ridiculed me until I convinced my mom to let me shave them.  When puberty hit, it seemed only logical to start shaving my armpits as well.  Years later, I couldn’t come up with a better explanation than "because I’m supposed to."  So I stopped.  At first people asked me what statement I was trying to make.  My mother didn’t like it, and other women let me know how unshaven armpits were "disgusting."  The funny thing is no men ever said anything about it to me.  In fact, I came across a few men who said that they liked women who didn’t shave.  In the long run I’m saving money on razors and shaving cream, and I’m also saving time.  I see it as a win-win situation!

I’ve seem to have gone on an analytical frenzy.  I’ve stopped using make-up.  I couldn’t find a good reason for spending all of that money on something that makes me break out more, thus making me spend more money on acne solutions.  My boyfriend, and other men I’ve talked to, say they like the way women look without make up better!  That’s not to say I don’t try to look polished for work and things (I still keep a medicated concealer around for monster blemishes).

I’ve also stopped wearing high heels.  Yes, they make my calves and butt look a bit nicer, but is it really worth the physical pain and damage they cause.  I’m also tall for a woman, so wearing ridiculous heals makes me feel awkwardly tall and out of place to begin with.

The oddest thing that I’ve found out through all of these experiences is that I’ve received almost all of the negative comments from other women.  For the most part men (except for a few male friends I have who joke about my hairy legs) have either been neutral or positive about my decisions.  I don’t understand why we as women continually critique each other and reinforce these consumerist, patriarchal ideas in our fellow females.  Since I’ve stopped obsessing over make-up, hair, etc I’ve felt more self-confident than ever.  I’ve realized that I have nothing to fix; nothing to cover up.  I love my body the way it is.  I wish that more women could feel that way and encourage other women who make decisions about their bodies that deviate from the norm.  

One final disclaimer: I do not judge or have negative feelings towards women who have long hair, shave, pluck their eyebrows, wear make-up or high heels.  These are personal decisions that I made.  I understand that for many women these are a part of their self-expression.  I only want for these things to be a CHOICE for women, and not an expectation.

I know this has been a bit long, but I hope it’s given some of you a few things to think about.