Guy texts unsolicited dick pic, woman sends it to his mother, wins

Trevor, who is really good at flirting, likes to get women’s attention by flashing them:

Texts read, How's your day going? Is it pouring in Lo g island yet? And then there's a dick pic

The woman Trevor texted this time was not having it, though.

Texts. Trevor: Lol. You don't like? Woman: Fuck no. Trevor: To big for ya? Woman: I don't need to see that. I don't need to be disrespected by someone I don't even know.

Trevor doesn’t see the big deal, and starts insulting this woman he’s apparently trying to hit on. The conclusion of their conversation is after the jump – for the full exchange check out Happy Place. Spoilers: she forwards it all to Trevor’s mom. New technology means new places to harass people, but it’s also given us new ways to fight back. Because dick pics are forever. This woman rocks.

Woman: Again, *you're. Trevor: I have a big cock. Woman: And since you're pretty easy to find on Facebook, Trevor (last name redacted) shall I send mom (redacted)


screencaps of this conversation? To show how you treat women? Trevor: Don't. Woman: I think I might do it anyway since you felt the need to harass me. Why do you think it's okay to sexually harass girls you don't know? Trevor: I thought you would like it.


Woman: I honestly think you deserve to have that uncomfortable conversation with your mother. Trevor: That is not right. Don't do that it's my mom. Woman: It is right. She should know how you perpetuate rape culture. I am sick of being treated like this.


Story and images via Happy Place.

Boston, MA

Jos Truitt is Executive Director of Development at Feministing. She joined the team in July 2009, became an Editor in August 2011, and Executive Director in September 2013. She writes about a range of topics including transgender issues, abortion access, and media representation. Jos first got involved with organizing when she led a walk out against the Iraq war at her high school, the Boston Arts Academy. She was introduced to the reproductive justice movement while at Hampshire College, where she organized the Civil Liberties and Public Policy Program’s annual reproductive justice conference. She has worked on the National Abortion Federation’s hotline, was a Field Organizer at Choice USA, and has volunteered as a Pro-Choice Clinic Escort. Jos has written for publications including The Guardian, Bilerico, RH Reality Check, Metro Weekly, and the Columbia Journalism Review. She has spoken and trained at numerous national conferences and college campuses about trans issues, reproductive justice, blogging, feminism, and grassroots organizing. Jos completed her MFA in Printmaking at the San Francisco Art Institute in Spring 2013. In her "spare time" she likes to bake and work on projects about mermaids.

Jos Truitt is an Executive Director of Feministing in charge of Development.

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  • Lamech

    “This woman rocks.”

    Erm… no this woman sent an unsolicited dick pic to someone. She’s just as much of a jackass as the guy if not more so for her blatant hypocrisy.

    • Phillip C Jacobson

      @Lamech It’s not like his mother has never seen his twig and berries. Kudos to the woman, it is sexual harassment and this was a clever way to handle it.

      *I accidentally hit report comment, I did not mean to do so and for that I apologize.

    • emmie

      Actually no, it IS awesome. This guy had absolutely NO RIGHT to send that picture to her. It was without her consent and it’s just inappropriate. Not only that, but she told him OVER AND OVER again how she found his behavior toward her rude and disrespectful and yet he continued to mock her, belittle and degrade her by using sexual slurs among others. Once she “threatened” to send the pics to his mom he could have backed down and apologize but he never did. He continued to harass her. Like she said, his nasty behavior needed to be shared with his mom so that she knows what kind of a person her son is, and let other people know that this attitude of his should NEVER be tolerated.

  • chickenbarbie

    Yea but, no but, but yea.

    Here’s the thing: I bet he won’t do it again. And it’s irrelevant if he stops because it’s not cool or because his mother might find out. Ending the behavior is a good thing.

    I think it’s a problem telling women they’re wrong for going public what happened to them. That too is part of rape culture.

  • David Smith

    The original version of this post showed all the private information and images that were blurred. This woman though right to stand up for her rights, should have cut all contact, and even reported this unsolicited picture to the police. Instead she chose to post this to the internet with personal information that was seen before it was edited. She crossed a line doing that and I hope it has no negative ramifications to her but it could because she posted his personal information to the whole of the internet not just his mother. I wholeheartedly believe the man did the stupidest thing he could and that he could and probably should be prosecuted for it but that is no reason to be a vigilante and take the chance of ruining someone’s life over a stupid action.

    • Virginia

      I’m honestly not sure why you think we should be concerned about protecting harassers from the consequences of their actions, David. If I sent a naked picture of myself, *solicited,* to a man I didn’t know very well, and it ended up all across the Internet with my name attached, you’d probably tell me it was my fault for not being careful with my image. In this case, he is not the innocent victim of a mutual encounter that went wrong. It was *unsolicited.* He was an aggressor.

      There should be no burden placed on women to stay silent and protect the identities of their harassers. The burden should be entirely on the harassers to not harass.

      Shaming has historically been a very effective way of stopping particular actions. People don’t like being exposed to public ridicule, and they’re less likely to do something if they think they might personally be shamed or mocked for it. To put the burden on women to stay silent is to remove an effective weapon in the fight against rape culture. If you want to do that, you’d need to give a pretty darn good reason as to why he needs protecting more than she did…

    • redsky

      I think it’s a bit unrealistic to worry that this guys life will be “ruined.” Any negative consquenves he does face, though, are the result of his own actions. She didn’t ask to be harrassed. She didn’t even reply to his texts, so why he would think she wanted to see his bits is beyond me.
      When she made it clear that his picture was unwelcome, he became even more aggressive. Why should she not speak up about his atrocious behaviour? She owes him nothing.

    • Sydney Evans

      David, your comment is so illustrative of the male viewpoint on this issue. How else will juvenile behaving men be convinced that their stupid, sexist behavior is maladaptive, than to make them pay in an extreme way? Men will continue to perpetuate the “rape culture” until it becomes too costly for them.
      Public disclosure and humiliation like this, is just one way for victims of male rape behavior to strike back at the heart of this injustice. And for you to intimate at all that this is not legitimate victim behavior is proof that you do not, cannot, understand the heart of the social dysfunction that males perpetuate.

  • Tee

    I’m not sure why folks are so concerned about his right to privacy. Clearly, he’s not concerned about his own privacy since he texted his privates to a woman that he barely knows. Since they were not in a relationship, there was no agreement either confirmed or implied that she would not share his photo. My only concern is for her safety. I’m hopeful that his behavior didn’t escalate.

    I wonder if she ever found his mother and forwarded it to her.

  • Michael Flyger

    I’m totally confused about anyone defending the guy. Troll gets counter-trolled, win!

    Even if someone disagrees that a naked photo constitutes “assault”–here’s the thing, it’s the social conditions that assume women must accept such approaches as “typical” or “just in fun” that actually constitutes the greater assault. And it needs to stop.

    Anyone defending the guy on privacy or on “counter-harrassment” grounds needs to learn more about *the direction of action*. It’s pretty hard stuff.

    • honeybee

      I’m totally confused there isn’t more defense for this man. What he did was somewhat inappropriate but hardly a major offense or anything that will permanently ruin this woman’s life. What she did could very well ruin his.

      You can’t on one hand claim the moral high ground and on the other take actions that are immoral and disproportionate to the event itself.

      It is 100% a case of self-defense where any counter-action must be of a similar level as the original action else your self-defense claim won’t work and YOU get charged. That is literally what this woman faces. She could literally be in legal trouble for such an action and a defense that “he sent me an unsolicited pic” would not hold up.

      He should face consequences but in proportion to the original action – perhaps slightly more. Anything more is wrong regardless of how you try to rationalize it.

      • Lilithe

        honeybee – you assume the person receiving the pic would be someone who isn’t utterly traumatized and devastated by rape and sexual assault. One pic like that could cause that person to become depressed, dysfunctional and even suicidal. He got what he deserves, considering the 1 in 3 rate for women who have been sexually assaulted and raped in their lifetime.

        • honeybee

          That doesn’t hold water for me because images of naked people are everywhere in our world. I see unsolicited naked pics of men on the internet all the time without asking for them. Not to mention all of the sexual images in the media, tv, movies, etc.

          Furthermore has it been established that she is a survivor who has this particular trigger? Regardless and perhaps unfortunately it cannot be expected that everyone know each others triggers. And I don’t want survivors to have to publicly tell everyone they are a survivor. I’ve heard of people who would get upset from hearing voices of specific pitches and tones – yet not only can we not tell such people not to talk but they can’t be faulted for not knowing it was upset someone else if they talked.

          I will think on what you say but my original point still stands that any recourse has to be proportional to the original act. Legally and morally this is clear.

          • Sean May

            You do realize that showing your genitals in public is against the law in the US, and can result in jail time, correct? I would be quite curious to find out if you feel this is proportionate to the crime or not. Other than the possibility of affecting more than just one person at a time, what exactly is the difference between exposing yourself in public and exposing yourself via a text message?

            Also, what knowledge has brought you to the conclusion that you must ruin someone’s life to have your own life ruined by the consequences? Theft is a fantastic example of the breakdown in your logic here. Steal enough and your own life will be surely ruined, regardless of whether or not the affected parties got their belongings back. The law doesn’t care whether you’re a terrible thief or not. Rob a few homes and you’re still getting a record, even if they did find all of the stuff unharmed.

            All in all, the excuse of, “We can’t know everyone’s quirks and sensitivities, so why try to cater to them?” is just an excuse used by the assholes of the world. Why try? Because being a decent human being and having a slight amount of empathy is cool. You can keep over generalizing the notion that you can’t please everyone by being insensitive to everyone equally, but that really just makes you an equal-opportunity asshole. Please don’t be an asshole. :)

            P.S. – I accidentally reported the post I replied to as the links to reply and report are way too close on a phone. >_< Deepest apologies.

  • Smiley

    Hmm. I’m a little troubled by the whole shebang.

    Was the guy an idiot? Yes, very probably. Was the woman assaulted? No, not in any meaningful way.

    Do people who have a private conversation, of any kind, through any medium, have an expectation of privacy. Yes, on the whole.

    Did the guy break any law? Not that I can think of. Sending offensive material through the post? (I believe that might be an offence.) At a stretch, at a stretch: although a picture of a naked man, alone, is probably considered mainstream these days.

    Had the woman sent him a naked picture of herself, unsolicited, how would the Feminisphere have reacted had he forwarded the picture to *her* Mum? The offence is the same. The action is the same. And so is the hurt, I guess.

    I can guess at the general reaction: “what a jerk.” That is where I am troubled. I cannot imagine the reaction being similar. If one wants to be fair, one has to consider the offence – if there is one – from a gender-neutral perspective. If the reaction differs ‘because she’s a woman’, then one’s politics are overruling logic.

    • ELot

      “Do people who have a private conversation, of any kind, through any medium, have an expectation of privacy. Yes, on the whole.”

      Please see Virginia’s comment above. Where was your voice about protecting privacy when feministing covered Hunter Moore, or the class action lawsuits filed by victims of revenge porn against GoDaddy and Texxxan? Were you as concerned about the privacy of those people? It seems as though you’re more concerned about privacy protection “because he’s a man”.

      PS. Assault: attack or bombard (someone or the senses) with something undesirable or unpleasant. While this may not be the legal definition, it does step on your whole “meaningful assault” line of reasoning.

      • Smiley


        You are being a little unfair. I don’t know who or what GoDaddy and Texxxan are. Since I didn’t make any comment about those cases, you are presuming I’d have sided against the (women?) complainants. You have no reason to believe that.

        For the record, I’d have made the same comment had the roles been reversed (in the photo case).

        Second, it seems to me that terms and definitions are being stretched a little too far. Harassment now means one unsolicited picture. Aggression is sending unwanted comments or pictures.

        Nothing is considered minor any more. Everything is automatically serious. There is no scale or grading. And no account of context.

        And there is no scale of retort or counter-action. Does every transgression have to be made public? Can two adults have a conversation without it being distributed worldwide? Can a woman call a man an idiot without he shouting in the bar ‘She called me an idiot’? If he did that, I’d say he was a jerk. She might be wrong, she might be nasty, she might be vengeful, but he should not react in that way; do not wash dirty linen in public.

        If a woman slips a note to an unknown man in a bar, inviting him home, in crude terms, he should certainly not read it out loud. If he did, I dare say most men would call him ungentlemanly, at the very least. Wouldn’t you?

    • tylik

      I really don’t think you have a reasonable expectation of privacy when you engage in unsolicited harassment. In that case, you are using the social conventions in which women aren’t supposed to make a fuss or a scene as a way of covering your bad behavior.

      …and I don’t really see why this would be different if a woman were doing the harassing. (Well, okay, maybe something for the relative novelty? Not to say women don’t engage in harassment, but unsolicited nudie pics aren’t, AFAIK, common.)

  • Lauren Donna Graham

    This is the sort of mindset that is behind rape culture. Dicks reign supreme, and women are just here for the satisfaction of dicks. I am a rape survivor, and this assault is on the low end of an escalating continuum of misogyny, but it is symptomatic of the average male’s basic attitude toward women in our society.