Five reasons Mitt Romney is totally not a #bawse

According to the National Review–100% of women should vote for Mitt Romney because he is a “boss” and not for Obama, because he had daughters (and that like makes him gay and stuff). But in our new diverse, innovative and creative economy, traditional ideas of being a “boss” are changing. For one thing, women actually have jobs now, some of us are even bosses!

So, departing from the mythologies of the right like–the uterus has powers to make rape-sperm blocking patronuses or that all women want to marry rich assholes and produce their male progeny–let’s deal with the real world, where women actually have to get jobs and stuff.

There are certain fundamental qualities that make people good bosses and Mitt Romney does not have them:

1. He can’t make up his mind for shit. Just read the news. A good boss has a vision, a plan, a strategy. Romney’s campaign shows us one thing–he has none of that.

2. He started out rich. He’s never known what it is like to actually have to work for something. The best bosses take nothing for granted, they worked their way to the top and can empathize with people along the way. What kind of a boss has never had to truly work for something? Without his massive financial cushion, Mitt Romney wouldn’t even make it through Burning Man, let alone real life.

3. He doesn’t know if women should get paid the same as men. What woman wants to work for that boss? What kind of a boss doesn’t think all their employees should be fairly compensated for their work? Oh, right, a really shitty one.

4. He has foot in mouth syndrome. Which I guess makes sense, when you have no convictions. But a real boss, a good boss, has talking points, knows what they are going to say and does their best to keep their entity out of impending danger or humiliation. Romney is not that dude for that job. 

5. He’ll say he’s the boss, even when he’s not working. Seriously.

I don’t know what job Kevin Williamson is assessing Romney’s skills for, but it’s not the POTUS. And the election is actually not a massive rap battle where the candidate that most mimics “gangsta” life makes it to the top (see also: Why conservative writers shouldn’t actually listen to the raps).

And even if that is the case, I think Obama got this.

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