Feminist movers and shakers focused on contraception, HIV/AIDS/STI prevention and sexual violence can benefit from pro-active strategies for incorporating the wide range of human desire and the positive benefits of sexuality into their work. How do the lessons of the sex-positive movement apply today? This workshop will introduce participants to the vibrant history of sex-positive feminism as a response to the exclusion of women’s desire and sexual autonomy in feminist understandings of oppression, and help participants develop practical sex-positive skills as educators and activists addressing sexuality and health issues.
I was so excited to be present for this panel on sex positive feminism, led by Jenna Mellor and Meredith Zoltick of HIPS, DC. They opened with an ice breaker exercise that demonstrated the way that words around sex and identities are often stigmatized, and went on to make a list of the perceived benefits and harms of “sex”, in whatever way you define it.
The list looked like this:
Benefits of “sex”:
increases blood flow
money (also could be drugs, shelter, food)
knowing your body
learn new things
Harms of “sex”:
emotional roller coaster
lack of power and control
isolation from your family, community, religion
discomfort or physical pain
drop out of school
After we made this list together, the facilitators noted that most of the things that are focused on in the media are on the “harms” list:
pregnancy, assault, HIV/AIDS, discomfort, etc.
So as a group, we discussed some reasons that there are might be more emotions listed on the harm side. And we came to the question of motives and consent. How do the harms and benefits influence how people consent to sex? How can you have a rich conversation around consent without also talking about your agency as a partner? How do you form your own personal choices from a place that’s personal and something that you want? How do you make the benefits side of the list more a part of your life than the harms?
It’s also important to remember that you often have no idea what benefits and harms are in play for someone else. So you should have humility about the fact that these aren’t the same for everyone, and they change over time.
We wrapped the session by trying to put together a loose definition of “sex positivity”, since it can be so difficult to define and is a relatively new term. We came up with the following:
respecting decisions of others
embracing your own needs and desires
being able to communicate and be affirmed
rejecting essentialist idea about what sexuality is
OR understanding these ideas and modifying them for yourself
living in the complicated messy space
For an example of some rad sex positivity in the face of extreme shaming tactics, check Maya’s recent post on Ross Douthat.