I’m a woman who hates men

I admit it–I’m a feminist who hates men. I feel nothing but revulsion, disgust, and distrust for men. I’m that type of woman everyone makes stereotypical jokes about.

I haven’t always hated men. I used to have a high sex drive, and I wanted to get married and have children and a family of my own just like everyone else I knew. In fact, deep down I still wish I could do those things. But I know that just won’t be possible. I didn’t start hating men because I was a feminist who was angry at men for having more rights and privileges than me or because I think women are better than men.  I began hating them because they outright HURT me. Really badly. They have betrayed my trust and damaged my sense of dignity in the worst ways possible. One trusted male friend of mine who I had known for ten years suddenly put drugs in my beverage one evening in an attempt to take advantage of me. When his plan failed because he didn’t put enough drugs in my drink to completely knock me unconscious, he suddenly stopped speaking to me. (Not that I missed his company after I finally realized what he had done.) Another trusted male friend of mine who I had known for many years took advantage of me by suddenly telling me that he had had feelings for me for the past ten years. We had confided to each other often about things going on in our lives, and he told me that if I gave him the chance to date me I would never have to feel sad or hurt ever again. Of course I trusted him, because he was an old friend who I could talk to about anything. Well as soon as we finally slept together for the first time ever, he suddenly and immediately turned on me overnight. He suddenly went from being a friend who cared about me to laughing and bragging to everyone about what a “good lay” I was, calling me a “trick”,  and even telling me “We were never really friends, I just thought you’d be a good lay and I was right. And I was gonna wait as long as it took to get you.” Then he ran off and slept with literally one woman after another after another after another…MULTIPLE  women, some of them other men’s wives & girlfriends…using NO protection. At one point, half a dozen 40-year-old divorced single moms (he’s 28) all thought he was their serious “boyfriend”, unaware that he was making the rounds “servicing” other women all over town. Now he has a couple of illegitimate kids from these reckless liasons (and he isn’t involved in ANY of these children’s lives). At that point, I was no longer a person or even a human being anymore; I was just an object. I was no  better than all the hundreds of other unsuspecting women he had slept with. I was just a dumb fool who got used and tossed aside: a joke.  The utter shock, pain, and humiliation I endured from him doing this to me was unbearable. I realized then that if I couldn’t trust my own friends whom I had known for a decade or longer, then I really couldn’t trust ANYONE. And these are just two examples of the MANY times I have suddenly been abandoned, beytayed, or used by men throughout my life for no apparent reason. I’ve finally learned not to let myself have feelings for any 
man because the chances are high that he will suddenly walk away from me without warning and for no reason. 

I’m not sure what has finally happened to me, but it’s as if the part of my brain that controls my sex drive and physical attraction to men has completely shut off now. I haven’t had a sexual thought in my mind in 4 months. I have no sexual desire or attraction for men whatsoever. I’m extremely uncomfortable being around them. I have forced myself to go on a few blind dates recently, but I’m very fearful and uncomfortable the entire time. I have suddenly decided that I never want to get married and I want to have children by myself through artificial insemination. I make plenty of money and I’ve learned that I’m far better off raising a child all by myself than trying to rely on some immature man-child to help out when he would most likely run out on me and abandon us anyway. The only person I can trust and rely on is ME.  I’m not gay, I just suddenly want to be left the Hell alone and I don’t want to be anywhere near men. I don’t know what is wrong with me or how long this will last. Maybe it’s just my brain’s way of trying to protect me from any future harm? Or maybe I’ve just resigned myself to thinking that no man can be trusted and that it’s best to just stay away from them? I don’t know. Part of me wants to go back to my normal self and enjoy sex again, but the rest of me seems to be telling me to just stay as far away from all men as possible. It would obviously mean a lonely future and life, but maybe it’s better than being abandoned and abused again.

Disclaimer: This post was written by a Feministing Community user and does not necessarily reflect the views of any Feministing columnist, editor, or executive director.

Join the Conversation