A Pro-Feminist Man’s Take on Tucker Max

I originally posted this on my Facebook and didn’t want to cross-post it here due to the onslaught of trolls it was sure to receive. However, last night my female partner and I went out to a bar on a date and a man thought it would be funny to tell a joke about beating women. Of course, I told him that wasn’t funny at all and domestic violence is never funny. I’m not writing this to big up myself but to voice my frustration that things like that happen. Men think it is perfectly acceptable to tell jokes about beating women and it’s expected that other men will be in on the joke. This, coupled with the post on the main page about that iPhone app, made me think I should post this up.

So anyway, here is a "piece" I wrote about Tucker Max before the movie came out last September. Just a quick note: I am trudging my way through the book and do plan on seeing the movie (by sneaking in, if it’s still in theaters) at some point.

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Tucker Max’s movie I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell and the anti-feminist clusterfuck that has come with it are an insult to women, obviously, but also to men who have been doing work towards ending sexual violence. Now, I have not seen the movie (and don’t plan to ever give that misogynist turd a cent of the money that I earn working at a rape crisis center), but one doesn’t need to, given that it is A) based on the book of the same name and B) the book is based on stories published for free on his website. Max’s fans (duwha.. ?) like to combat detractors by pointing out that they are taking quotes from the film out of context. Can someone please tell me a context in which the phrase “get away from me or I’m going to carve a fuck hole in your torso" could NOT be considered violent and misogynist, or at the very least, humorous? Women? Of course they are going to complain. Not only is their "gender hardwired for whoredom" but they’re all going to get uppity and demand respect when, clearly, they don’t deserve it.

What Max counts on, his bread and butter, is that men are the ones who will laugh. We want to be Max, right? We just wish we had a friend like him who could teach us the ways of getting women, dominating them, and using them purely for our own sexual pleasure with no regard for their feelings, thoughts, or what happens to their bodies after sex. This is wrong. There are thousands and thousands of us who fight every day in solidarity with women and transpeople for the eradication of gender-based violence, and who dedicate our time and some of us, our lives, to widening the definition of masculinity. Those of us who fight for a world where our partners, mothers, co-workers, and daughters, can grow up without a fear of men’s violence – physical, verbal, or emotional. Without feeling as though they are nothing more than bodies that men ultimately control. Without feeling like the only thing a man wants from her is sex. We fight not for recognition, not because we are benevolent sexists keen on "protecting women", not for the opportunity to get laid, but because we know in our hearts that women deserve a better world.

At a recent viewing of the film, fellow feminists at NC State University staged a silent protest in response to Max’s appearance on campus. Many of them held signs (which were later photo shopped with racist statements on Max’s message board) while a viewing of a film about violence against women took place outside. In a Q&A session after the showing, a guest asked Max about his connection to rape culture. His reply was:

“Fucking rape sucks, dude … It’s, like, not a joke, and I feel like [the protesters’] hearts are probably in the right place, to be honest. But I fell like they’re fucking it up, man, because what they’re doing is really kind of devaluing the seriousness of an actual crime. . . . Dude, I mean, the discussion about where consent lies and doesn’t lie is an important one, and should be had, but this is not the fucking forum. And, uh, and that’s never been an issue for me, so, I don’t know man, I feel like if that’s an issue to you, that’s great, and you should pursue it, but pursue it with the people who it needs to be pursued with. And not with me.”

What Max fails to realize is that the issue does lie with him. "Devaluing the seriousness of an actual crime"? Have you forgotten one of your stories in which you badger a woman into having anal sex with you, and when she "consents" after weeks of asking, you get her drunk while a friend of yours, unbeknownst to her, videotapes the act while hiding in your closet? This is rape. Aside from the allegations we can make toward Max personally due to the women who have "granted" him consent after being filled up with alcohol, I want to tackle the broader point about rape culture, and Max’s assertion he has nothing to do with it.

Rape culture exists on a continuum. Rape culture is not strictly the viewing of rape in TV, movies, video games, music, etc. (and when rape is represented, it is always in the most stereotypical way possible – dark alley, stranger, black man raping white woman, etc.) Rape culture is the idea that women are objectified and targeted by men interpersonally and systemically. We see media that sexualize rape and domestic violence. We see movies like "Hostel" which eroticize torture of women and girls. We live in a culture that says its OK to give your baby girl a shirt with boob tassels on it, because it’s kitsch and funny, even though it is turning a fucking baby into a sexualized object. To probe this idea deeper, a man harassing a woman on the bus is a product of rape culture. It makes the woman feel unsafe in an environment which should ideally be a neutral setting. This is an example of rape culture functioning at the interpersonal level (it should be noted that, regardless of what gave him the idea it’s OK to harass women, we still hold him accountable). But where does this idea come from? The idea that a man has the right to talk to a woman however he wants, grab her if he chooses, and physically attack her if she refuses his advances comes from systems. It comes from learning how to "be a man" via an interconnected web of men in our lives and media depictions of masculinity. What Max fails to grasp is that he contributes to a culture of violence against women by portraying himself in the film as someone all men should aspire to be. A "real man". It is couched in this "I’m-a-huge-douchebag" language in order to assuage us PC feminazis, but the underlining is obvious – Max is living the life that we are too big of "pussies" to ever lead.

Let’s also take a look at the marketing campaign Max has put into this film. Bus ads for the movie depict Max with a blonde woman whose face is unseen with the text "Your Face Here," which implies all women are just pussies aching to get fucked by a piece of shit like Tucker Max. Another ad features the phrase "Deaf girls can’t hear you coming". Again, Max’s fan’s (duwah… x2?) try to point out that "coming" is a play on the word "cumming," meaning she can’t hear you scream before you bust a nut in her eye. Which is, in itself, an act of degradation towards your sexual partner. The more obvious reason many people find this ad offensive is because it implies deaf girls are easier to, well, rape because they are easier targets. How does this contribute to rape culture? A deaf or hard of hearing woman boarding the bus that morning may be triggered by that ad, especially if she is a survivor of sexual assault – a problem that effects the disabled community more than the able-bodied community.

The marketing plan for this movie all along has been since that – I’m going to hazard a guess – the acting is shitty and the writing worse, in order to generate buzz and make money it must be as offensive as possible. Look at any of the TV ads. Tucker Max rule #16: Strippers will not tolerate disrespect. Followed by a man disrespecting a stripper, and the voiceover saying "Just kidding!" This is in conjunction with an ad showing a group of women at a bar being called worthless. The juxtaposition of these ads is the same – sex worker or businesswoman/student/what

ever other occupation – you are meaningless unless you are being fucked by a man. In yet another clip, Tucker tells a woman "fat girls aren’t real people" – again implying that any woman who is not sexually attractive to a man might as well not exist.

To all male-identified people yearning for an end to patriarchy and violence against women:

Putting an end to rape culture isn’t just supporting the women around us. It is also putting ourselves out on the front lines letting people know that we do not condone Tucker Max or other misogynists, and we will not let them define us. We are not all rapists. So why do we sit in silence? We can’t let someone continue to profit off of the hatred and disrespect of women, and the violence towards the people we care about. We should not sit idly by while our female partners, friends, and family members continue to grow up in a world that threatens them and ignores their voices simply because they are female. Call out your friends who see this movie or find his book entertaining. Ask them why. Refer them to websites like XY Online and films like "Tough Guise" by Jackson Katz. It’s time we stop being quiet. It’s time to step out of the "man box" and not just say blanket statements about how Tucker Max and people like him are assholes, call it what it is – misogyny. It’s time for men to give credit to other men who are speaking up against violence against women, even if we know our male friends may disagree. Too many women have lost faith in men as people. Too many women have died or suffered because we have chosen to stay silent. Stand up. Use your male privilege to educate other men and help end rape culture.