Why I hate ladies’ night

daterapeheadline.jpg
This headline is from an article in The L Magazine promoting a ladies’ night in Manhattan. Hilarious, don’t cha think? I mean, rape always is.
Thanks to Darcee for the link.

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  • http://www.randommusingsonlife.blogspot.com/ GottaBeMe

    Wow. It’s not often that you see such blatant, unashamed mysogeny. And this was evidently posted by a woman, in a tongue in cheek manner, as if she thought it was funny. Yeah, tell that to people who have been victims of rape, or just barely avoided being victims. I bet they find it hi-fucking-larious.

  • http://thecurvature.com Anonymous

    Here is the email I sent to the writer:
    Edith,
    This headline is rather vile:
    These Free Drinks Aren’t Going to Date Rape Themselves!
    Rape is not funny. Did you think about the fact that one in three women have been raped, and it’s likely that a good portion of them were “date raped” and likely to be reading? I’m assuming that you didn’t. And for that reason, I hope that you will remove the headline and issue a retraction and apology, both for the insensitivity and for contributing to a culture in which sexual violence is not taken seriously. I can only assume that this was not your goal and not a viewpoint with which you would want to be associated. Thank you in advance for your time and attention to this matter.
    Sincerely,
    Cara
    I tried to go with the civil thing because you know, the whole “more flies with honey” theory. Not usually one I work under, but I decided to give it a go. Her email is edith@thelmagazine.com, for anyone else who would like to drop her a line.

  • UltraMagnus

    That’s good, Cara. I wouldn’t have been so polite. :)

  • SmallTownPsychosis

    I read it twice and kind of think she was using sarcasm. As in, it came across to me like she found “free drink” night to be loathesome as well, and pointing out its relationship to date rape.
    The written word. A lost art.

  • http://thecurvature.com Anonymous

    Trust me, UltraMagnus, my first version wasn’t. And I wouldn’t exactly call this one “nice.”
    STP, that was not the impression that I got at all from reading the whole (rather short) post. I just tried to go back and read it again, though, and couldn’t get the page to load, so I’m just going to have to go off of my original impressions (I read it more than once).

  • Mz.Stilletto

    I just tried clicking the link to read the article, and I got an error message too.
    Still – the headline is pretty disgusting.

  • MoodyStarr

    Sweet Jebus, it doesn’t even make any sense. This statement implies that the “free drinks” will be date raped. So this sucks on two levels!

  • SmallTownPsychosis

    Yeah, I went back to reread it again too, but it looks like they removed it from the site.
    Kudos, if that’s the case.
    I do think it was dripping with sarcasm. Who promotes a night club using “date rape” to promote free drink night to women? Like women are going to read that and think, “oh, yeah, free drinks and a chance to be date raped!”
    It also mentioned something about getting all these free drinks because men *love* to hear women talk, and aren’t we CHATTY** when we’re drunk. That part also sounded really sarcastic to me.
    It was just so over-the-top, perhaps they were trying to be clever like The Onion or Jon Stewart, but failed miserably.
    Don’t know. It was bizarre, but if it was sarcasm, it was pretty damn heavy.
    (**emphasis was theirs)

  • http://thecurvature.com Anonymous

    Everyone,
    I got a response from Edith and she said that she took the post down herself. I don’t know if that was a direct response to my email, or she got a lot others like it or what. But she did say that she apologizes and that she was trying to be kind of sarcastic but it clearly didn’t work and turned out being offensive instead. She was pleasant and humble (though she did say that even though rape isn’t inherently funny, she doesn’t think that it’s “off limits” . . .)
    So, do we count this one as a win? I’d say that it’s probably at least the most positive outcome we could have hoped for.

  • SarahMC

    I think maybe she meant to say “roofie” rather than “date rape.” Ugh. This is more offensive to me on an intellectual level. Stupid people should just avoid satire attempts.

  • Fenriswolf

    I’m sure she was going for sarcastic. It’s still offensive and disgusting and backfired in a big way.
    Plus as MoodyStarr says it’s grammatically fucked up and besides that’s some pretty bad journalism right there if it didn’t cross her mind exactly how it would sound *gag*

  • devine

    There are some things that shouldn’t be joked about and date rape or rape is one of them in my opinion.
    BTW Is there such a thing as a “men’s night” or is it just reserved for women ? I know that here in the midwest Ladies nights are always broadcasted on the radio stations and such.
    Cara: thanks for writing a letter to Edith:)

  • EyeHeartNY

    devine, there’s a club in Appleton, Wisconsin where they have guys’ night. Only one I’ve seen though.
    “These free drinks aren’t going to date rape themselves?” that doesn’t even make sense. Kudos to Cara for writing and to edith for taking it down.

  • sepra

    BTW Is there such a thing as a “men’s night” or is it just reserved for women ? I know that here in the midwest Ladies nights are always broadcasted on the radio stations and such.

    Nah. Ladies’ Night is more of an advertisement to men anyway. It’s a way to tell men, “Hey, there’ll be lots of liquored up ladies here tonight, so pay this ridiculous cover and you may get some.”
    It’s funny, because I find it disgusting for feminist reasons (encouraging women to drink more, encouraging guys to come for the drunk women), but when men complain about it, it’s always because they want the cheap booze too. They just don’t see it.

  • Jessica

    Thanks for the update, Cara. I’d def say that’s a win.

  • vtcheme

    As I guy, I find this offensive! It makes it sound like all guys are lurking around, looking for drunk women to rape.
    Please excuse me while I go throw up…

  • KittenFluff

    Somewhat off topic, but I have a big problem with the term “date rape” as I think that on some level it implies culpability on the part of the victim. I vastly prefer “acquaintance rape” to describe non-stranger rape, as not all acquaintance rapes are perpetrated on dates. I remember telling my therapist I was raped and being frustrated that she repeatedly used the phrase “date rape” in spite of my emphasizing that I was not on a date at the time of the assault.

  • EAG

    I think the term “date rape” serves the same purpose as the term “gray rape” – it implies that there are levels of rape and that being raped by someone you know isn’t as bad as being raped by someone you don’t. Terms like these go a long way towards diminishing how seriously sexual assault is taken.

  • Eef

    Kitten: I’ve always thought the same thing. It doesn’t matter whether or not you were on a date with someone, it was still rape. It sort of implies that it wasn’t rape or wasn’t as bad as *real* rape because after all you did go on a date with him

  • dananddanica

    OT: I’m not sure how many states it is now but some guy was able to get ladies night banned in a number of states. He said it was gender discrimination and he keeps winning everywhere he goes. Makes for fasinating reading on the op-ed page of every state he pulls it off in.

  • dananddanica

    I usually see acquantaince rape more than date rape nowadays, is it not just the way most people differentiate that from stranger rape?

  • Jane Minty

    Isn’t this the publication they physically hand out for free outside the subway stations? Nobody reads it anyway.

  • http://p068.ezboard.com/bcybercoven Diana Boston

    First, thanks to Cara for the letter.
    I’ve often wondered why there are so many terms for rape when it is still one act perpetrated by one ‘usually’ man against ‘usually’ a woman regardless of whatever type of relation they might have, be it an acquaintance or a date or what the hell ever.
    I do agree that by making all these categories of rape we end up having a varying system of ‘responsibility’ for the act. For instance, if you ARE on a date and you get raped then there’s some implied prior knowledge that the victim had of their rapist and therefore, the old ‘she should’ve known’ idea pops into mind.
    Wtf is a grey rape?
    Good goddess!