Sam Hilts

            I recently visited two heterosexual, married, and male college friends for the first time in several years. After spotting and promptly mocking the copy of She Comes First by Ian Kerner openly displayed in a friend’s house, both friends immediately began swearing by it. With blurbs by the New York Times on the cover and almost a quarter-million copies sold, it was important to see what the hubbub was all about. I tried to read this how-to manual for clueless men to please their frustrated female partners with an open mind. However, this book only contributes to the benevolent sexism that comes with the rise in popularity of male-on-female oral sex.

            Kerner begins with the token acknowledgement that “when it comes to pleasure, there is no right or wrong way to have an orgasm,” his book quickly reduces all women to a single biological and psychological tabula rosa ready for the male partner to rewrite. Over half of the book is devoted to incredibly specific instructions including “get a rhythm going: long, slow lick/flat, still tongue; long, slow lick/flat still tongue. Each complete set should last about ten seconds, with five seconds on the lick and five on the flat embrace of tongue against vulva” and chapters like “Routines: A Cheat Sheet” with minute by minute and step-by-step instructions.

            What’s disturbing is that for a book that is centered around ...