itrust

I had a discussion recently with some (all queer) friends. We were discussing a coworker who consistently refers to her significant other as her “partner.” Naturally, in a queer environment, most of us (falsely) assumed she was referring to a same-sex partner. 

It sparked a conversation about the effects of heterosexuals using the word “partner” to refer to their…well…their opposite-sex partner. With all of the debate about same-sex marriage and relationship recognition and whatnot, it seems like an interesting paradox about language. We as queers know that “civil unions” and “domestic partners” and “reciprocal beneficiaries” are NOT equivalent to spouses, to husbands and wives. Even when every single government right is the same (which is NOT the case and never will be, but hypothetically), there is still an inherent inferior status attached to any other word used for a partner other than husband or wife. It’s what we queers strive for…the ability to get married and call our “significant others” the same thing all those heteros have the pleasure of calling their significant others. 

So, in a nutshell, the NAME matters.

Now, having spent our entire lives not being able to refers to our significant others as husbands or wives, we have monopolized the use of alternative terms, the most prominent of which is “partner.” We use partner when we want to signify that our love interest is more than our boyfriend or girlfriend. Partner is, in a sense, similar to a spouse (sans the wonderful ...