Fucking with Feministing: Dildo Extravaganza Pt. 2, A Guide to Materials and Care

Welcome back to another installment of Fucking with Feministing! This is Feministing’s sex advice column where we answer questions from you.

I’m Sesali and I’ll be your resident sexpert with the help of our friends at the Center for Sex & Culture (CSC) – who have partnered with us to make sure that we have ‘smart’ and ‘safe’ with our sexy. We’re looking forward to helping you stay informed (and hopefully have some great sex, because my feminism wouldn’t be complete without it). Send your questions to sesali@feministing.com and we’ll pick a question to talk about here. Questions will remain anonymous. We’re so glad that you’re Fucking with Feministing!

Q: I’m about to buy my first strap-on and I have some questions. What should I know about buying one? Experimenting with it? Harnesses? Etc?

NOTE: Because the wonderful world of dildos is so vast, we have decided to answer this question in a series of posts. And because dildos are indeed wonderful, we’ve decided to name this series the ‘Dildo Extravaganza.’ So strap in (or in this case, strap on) and take notes!

In the last post, we went over some basic information about dildos including some options about the different sizes, shapes, uses, and looks. That will certainly get you started in the right direction if you’re new to the whole dildo thing. But there are still some other things to consider if you want a dildo that will really show you what it’s made of (hehe). Seriously, the way someone with a peanut allergy reads food labels at the grocery store, is how you should pay attention when shopping for dildos. Choosing the right dildo and keeping it in tip top shape requires a perfect cocktail of the right material, the right cleaning practices, and the right storage. Carol and I have decided to take you through best practices for each material.

Silicone
General: Silicone is a fabulous material for dildos because it is flexible (ranging from “a bit” to “quite”), usually smooth, able to warm up to body temperature, and great at transmitting vibration. Silicone is also a lifetime pal unless the surface tension is broken, in which case it will often tear right in half. In other words, don’t let your dog grab your dildo to use as a chew toy. Sillicone toys are very safe because they are non-porous and after cleaning they can be shared with a partner.
Lube Compatibility: You know how you learned in high school chemistry that two molecules with the same charge can’t be friends? Same thing applies with silicone. You can use any kind of lube with it, except silicone. It will begin to deteriorate. If your fave toy is silicone and so is your favorite lube, protect your inanimate inamorata with a condom.
Cleaning: If your toy doesn’t have a vibrator or any other electronic device attached, you can boil it in water for 5 minutes or throw it on the top rack of your dishwasher. Otherwise, toy cleaner or soap and water will do.
Storage: Store in a dry, cool place.

Rubber
General: Rubber dildos are made of latex. So if you have a latex sensitivity, don’t use one! Rubber is porous so do not share them with a partner without a condom. They can be very affordable and firm if you like a more rigid feeling.
Lube compatibility: Don’t use oil-based lubes with rubber dildos, it degrades the material.
Cleaning: Warm soap and water or toy cleaner will do the trick.
Storage: Store in a cool, dry place.

Elastomer
General: Often a somewhat lower price point, and often quite good toys, these dildos are made out of a plastic variant. It’s true that more vibrators than dildos are elastomer but they can be just as flexible as silicone and many people like them just fine.
Lube compatibility: A water-based lubricant works best.
Cleaning: Warm soap and water or toy cleaner.
Storage: Store in a cool, dry place.

“Mystery rubber” including jelly and the kind with phthalates
General: If your toy comes out of the box smelling like beach balls, you may have acquired a jelly rubber toy. It uses a plastic softener to get its flexibility, and one family of these softeners which worries many toy consumers is phthalates. These chemicals are found in your shower curtains, some plastic food storage containers, and in many other consumer items. It’s kind of ubiquitous, but you might still want to nestle something different up against your own personal mucosa. (Sidenote: The term “mystery rubber” was coined by Karlyn Lotney, and we love it a lot.)
If you’ve decided that you’re fine with you or your partner’s private parts smelling like the kids’ play area at McDonald’s, just know that they are extremely porous and shouldn’t be shared with partners, even if you’ve cleaned them.
Lube Compatibility: Use only water based lubricants!
Cleaning: Soap and warm water will get it clean enough for solo use—though Good Vibrations always recommends using a condom with this material to be on the safe side. Be sure to hand dry it before storage.
Storage: You should keep jelly dildos away from pretty much everything else. They can melt if they come into contact with other materials or if they get too hot.

Metal
General: Most dildos are at least a bit soft; some are downright lifelike, like the silicone mix called softskin. But some people like it hard and shiny, and there are beautiful metal toys that will last longer than all of us put together. These are especially great for G-spot exploring. They’re heavier and often made of stainless steel. More expensive and harder to find, stainless steel has never enjoyed this much exclusivity! They don’t adjust to body temperature too well so they may be really cold unless you heat them up in warm water first. They’re nonporous so you can share them with your partner.
Lube Compatibility: Any lube will work with metal.
Cleaning: Pretty much anything (rubbing alcohol, toy cleaner, soap and water, etc.) except bleach will clean these gems.
Storage: You can pretty much store metal dildos anywhere they won’t damage anything because of their weight.

Wood
General: Made sure your wooden dildo is sanded completely smooth and coated with a medical-grade material, not some varnish-y situation! If your sex toy purveyor can’t tell you about that, buy your piece of the forest somewhere else.
Lube compatibility: Any lube will do.
Cleaning: As always, toy cleaner or soap and water works. Avoid rough cloths and sponges as they can also ruin the finish. Air drying is extremely important with wooden dildos because mildew isn’t sexy!
Storage: Store your wooden dildo in a pouch or bag that is padded in order to avoid chipping, dents, interruptions in the finish, and, god forbid, splinters.

Cyberskin
General: If you want a dick that looks and feels like it was once attached to a person and preserved for your personal pleasures, you’ll probably want to try a cyberskin dildo at some point. They mimic the feeling, elasticity, and look of real skin. They adjust to body temperature easily and pretty sensitive [?]. Keep them away from sharp objects and nails because they can tear pretty easy. They’re porous and shouldn’t be shared without protection.
Lube compatibility: Water-based lube only! Silicone and oil based lubes will deteriorate the material.
Cleaning: To get the most out of a cyberskin toy, and to make cleaning easier, consider using this toy with a condom. But toy cleaner or anti-bacterial [ditto] soap will do the trick. Pat dry with a clean towel and allow it to air dry. This toy will feel extremely sticky and weird as it is drying. A light dusting with cornstarch will help with that and stop the toy from losing moisture and hardening.

Glass
The great glass debate is a whole topic in itself so stay tuned for Part 3 of the Dildo Extravaganza to learn about the pros and cons of glass toys.

Hopefully you feel ready to take good care of any dildo you choose. If not, you can use this info to show off for your friends. Thanks for checking out Fucking with Feministing! Send all of your sexy, salacious questions to sesali@feministing.com and maybe your question will be featured!