My Thoughts On Sexual Objectification — can it ever be positive?

Many of these thoughts reemerged after seeing the comment thread on aBroadly video presenting a female ran erotica publishers — Ellora’s Cave — in the US. In the comments, many of the guys were complaining of the so-called ‘double standard’, as in their eyes, this company objectifies men to the same degree as women complain men objectify them.

https://youtu.be/LD6PrlHhvMQ

They seemed confused, as many are about this issue, and so I thought I’d share my thoughts in the hope that it can help to clear some widely felt confusions and misunderstandings on the deeply complex topic.

With the new wave of artists in mainstream culture exploring sexuality, it could not be currently higher on the public consciousness. From Nicki’s Anaconda to Miley’s ‘finger’, self-objectification, meaning, to turn oneself into a sexual object (in this case for audience consumption) — has exploded.

And of course, so has the backlash.

Firstly — the male response has often been to slut shame, typically calling out these performers as symbols of degradation and disgust for their displays of sexuality.

Secondly —some women, both feminist and non-feminist, consider self-objectification as anti-feminist, for it upholds and proliferates to some, a negative form of sexual objectification from audiences, and ultimately encourages misogyny to women.

The argument goes — if you are trying to eradicate the age-old norm of the ‘male gaze’, and the constant never-ending hetero-male sexualisation of women, why supply the ammunition?

Although to an extent I can reason with this argument, the issue is far more complex in my eyes.

Sexual objectification – I would argue — is not inherently a negative.

I believe that the majority of us to an extent need, crave, and in many ways,enjoy to be objectified — hold on — and this is key: when we want to be.

Being objectified and admired as a sexual object, can — at the right times — be fulfilling and quite simply, feel pretty amazing.

The issue is that the objectification of women has for millennia been a neverending wave of unwanted objectification — from men — without any degree of consent from the person on the receiving end.

But now, in the second decade of the twenty-first century, women are in the highest position of cultural power so far achieved in our social history, and many women at the top of cultural influence are able to wield consent over their sexualisation — for the very first time.

Take for instance, Anaconda. Nicki Minaj is commanding her sexuality — through deciding to turn herself into an object of sexual desire: self-objectification. And this is okay, as it is on her terms — she wants to be an object of the male gaze, and she does so through taking immense control and wielding her own sexuality — rather than men holding the reigns. It is the same paradigm for many strippers and sex workers. As the person in control, they call the shots, and as a result, their consent must then be respected.

This is vital. Self-objectification — on the individuals terms — is crucial to one’s sexuality and the exploration of relationships, and indeed, themselves.

However, I would also argue that the objectification of others — without that individual’s consent, is harassment and abuse, vital roots for rape culture within a society.

Although the distinction can at times be unclear, it is vital that we understand and appreciate the value of consent and respect above all, the wishes of the individual.

As men, we must lose the sense of entitlement to women’s bodies that have been so heavily hardwired within thousands of years of patriarchal rule, and understand that we are simply, not in control of women.

And male or female, we own nobody else except for ourselves. We are the only ones that can decide when we want to be objectified.

This must forever be on our terms.

So for the men working for Ellora’s Cave, and for the many — but not all- in the sex industry who have chosen to turn their bodies into profit, to self- objectify — it is on their terms. It is their decision. And if it makes them happy and they’re consenting — who is one to judge.

In my eyes, that’s all that counts.

DISCLAIMER — Everything I say is coming from a cisgender heterosexual male perspective. So feel free to disregard my opinions on women’s issues.