Diamonds Are a Mine Owner’s Best Friend

Diamonds may have been a girl’s best friend back in 1953 when there seemed to be little question in anyone’s mind that a woman’s only asset was her capacity to visually and sexually please a man rich enough to afford a large rock (the embodiment of which is arguably Marilyn Monroe—the phrase coiner, herself), but today, intelligence, education, and even personality are much more valuable companions than a pretty bauble.

As a self-proclaimed recovered-people-pleaser and fairly new critical thinker, I find myself questioning a lot of the things that we seem to do simply for tradition’s sake. As my boyfriend and I broach the subject of marriage, the practice of buying and giving diamond engagement rings is becoming one of those customs that just doesn’t seem to sit right with me. So I did a bit of research.

Basically, prior to the 1870s, diamonds were in short supply and there were other, much more common conventions to symbolize an engagement: the man would give the woman a thimble which she would keep until after the wedding ceremony when she would cut off the bottom and wear it as a ring; the man would give the woman a golden nose ring; or (my personal favorite, as it has some semblance of equality) the couple would break a piece of gold or silver and each keep half. And even without any of these physical exchanges, a man’s verbal promise of engagement was considered a legally binding contract (see the “breach of contract to marry” law). Frankly, this stipulation was necessary in order to discourage men from breaking off an engagement once the woman put out. You know, the ol’ “please, baby, let’s have sex? If you let me put it in, I’ll make you my wife,” routine? Classic (literally).

Then, in the 1870s, prospectors discovered large quantities of diamonds in South Africa and diamonds quickly went from being very rare to a common, readily available commodity. You don’t need to have a degree in economics to know that when supply increases like this, a surplus occurs, causing a lower equilibrium price. In short, diamonds were cheap and mine owners weren’t happy. So they banded together to control the flow of diamonds into the world market, formed a cartel, and eventually convinced a New York ad agency to run one of the most successful campaigns in history, convincing us all that diamonds equal romance and turning the gemstone into a universally recognized symbol of betrothal.

So, here’s an interesting tidbit: It was around this time that the “breach of contract to marry” law I mentioned earlier was abolished. This left women vulnerable, because virginity was certainly still a fundamental factor in choosing a bride. Once a woman had sex, her market value plummeted and now a man could (and sometimes would) propose marriage without the intent to ever walk down the aisle just to get into her pants. So women began demanding a diamond ring as a form of insurance—if her fiancé left her, she would at least have one valuable asset, albeit not quite as valuable as her virginity.

Now, I’m not one to cry “consumer holiday!” at festivities like Christmas or even Valentine’s Day (what can I say, I like the chocolates and extra compliments), but what the hell, I’ll say it: Why are we STILL allowing the effective brainwashing of our grandparents by MINE OWNERS and advertisers to rob us of our savings? Does this make anyone else feel a little deceived and foolish, or is it just me? As of last year, the average amount we’re spending on an engagement ring is $5,598! With an inflation rate of 697.63% between 1960 and today, as young adults we’re simply struggling to survive. That almost $6,000 could be put to a much more practical or more understandable use.

While I will admit that I’m drawn to the idea of a symbol that shows a meaningful commitment from a partner, after gathering all of this information, I genuinely don’t understand how anyone could believe that buying a diamond ring is a better choice than even a plain band or a cubic zirconia engagement ring. I certainly don’t require a partner to prove their love to me by spending a large sum of money on a ring. In fact, it would say MUCH more about their commitment to the relationship for them to put the money into a joint savings account for us to spend on a down payment for a home, travel plans, or anything else we might choose together.

And in closing, I have to say, knowingly taking part in a tradition that supports the claim that my virginity is the number one asset I could offer a man makes me feel kind of sick. As an intelligent woman, very capable of providing for myself, should my future fiancé break off an engagement, I’d have no need for a diamond.

Header image credit: Jonathan Khoo/Flickr