My feminist sex life and how it is different

Obviously, it is always a man or a woman’s choice as to how he or she wants to practice and/or express their sexuality. However, I will tell you upfront that, as a freshman college student, my sexual relationships with men both here and at high school have been better when there is a sense of equality involved. 

Instead of one partner feeling that they must serve the other the entire time, it’s important to balance it off. I’ve found that letting myself take control in bed first and then letting him take control is the only way to make it enjoyable. It’s easy for me to do this, mainly because I have a very positive body image–which gives me the confidence not only with myself, but when I am exposing my entire body to a man. In fact, unlike most women (around 75%) , I have never experienced sexual dysfunction with any of my partners because of this equality method that I use and the positive body image that I have of myself.

An APA study actually did prove that there was a direct correlation between body image and sexual dysfunction; in fact self-objectification of the female body (which, yes, does come from the fact that men have been trained for thousands of years to be sexually-dominant, while women have been trained to be sexually-submissive) and a female’s sexually-submissive views of herself (i.e. becoming ashamed because she had sex, feeling that she lost a part of herself because she had sex, feeling that taking control in the bedroom automatically makes her a “slut”, a “whore” a “slore”, a “hoe”, or a “thot”) was identified by the APA as connecting with three results of self-objectification (or constantly critiquing your body to fit the “perfect” body, which most often happens in females): diminished internal awareness, body shame, and anxiety and physical safety. These three results of sexual objectification experiences, according to the study, connected directly with disordered eating, depression, and, you guessed it, sexual dysfunction.

Although I must admit that I am not perfect, my experiences with being able to orgasm so easily are directly connected with the fact that I do not have one of these problems in regards to my relationships or sexual relationships with men. My contact with guys around my age is always with respect, but I let them know upfront that I deserve this same respect, whether it is on a friendship-like level or a sexual level. If I do have sex with them, I let them know that I have just as much sexual confidence as they do, and that I am not afraid to experiment, make an awful lot of noise, or take charge. I constantly emphasize the fact that my role with them as woman is the same role they should have towards me, and that whatever pleasure I give them, I will get back in return. And, because I know that every inch of my body is just as sexy and attractive as his is, I tell him that my body is beautiful and that he should be happy that he is “doing it” with someone like me. In fact, when it is all said and done, there will be no shame to either of us. Considering the right protection was used (which it ALWAYS is with me), it was not “dirty”, “obscene” or “impure”. As a woman, my sexuality is a gift, not a curse.