Why I would never wanna be “Married to Jonas”

A SYTYCB entry

Yesterday, I watched the very first episode of “Married to Jonas,” the newest reality TV show on E! Entertainment. As the title may imply for those of you who aren’t fully familiar, this show is a heavily edited peek into the lives of oldest Jonas brother (of the “Jonas Brothers” boy band) and his new bride.

I gave this show a chance despite harboring serious doubts. After all, I was aware going in that the Jonas brothers are devout Evangelical Christians, one step away from the likes of the Quiverfull Movement and preaching basically the exact opposite of feminist and progressive ideals on the reg. (This shines through at many points in the show already, like when their former Assemblies of God pastor father reminds oldest Jonas brother Kevin that his primary duty is to “protect [his] wife.” Gag.)

And while it was dangerous enough when the Jonas brothers looked straight out of television sets and from stages into the eyes of their die-hard tweenie fans and preached abstinence and the sinfulness of premarital sex, I believed that maybe either the directors of the show, the Jonas brother(s), or both together would somehow make the show palatable for viewing. But I was dead wrong.

From beginning to end, watching this show was uncomfortable at best and triggering at worst. The behavior of the oldest Jonas towards his wife, Danielle, is under no circumstances acceptable, let alone watchable. It is not just that he is rude time and time again – because he is – but this rudeness is so deeply set in a traditionalism that justifies complete gender inequality that it is borderline abusive (and certainly could become literally abusive over time, as such rudeness often does).

First off, like a scene straight out of the 1950s, Kevin Jonas does nothing to help Danielle around the house or to prepare for special occasions. One could argue that he is the breadwinner in the household and thus balance is attained, were it not for the obvious fact that a) the show is being filmed sometime within a 3-year period that Kevin himself proclaims to have taken off from performing music, and b) they are both on the show, making money. Danielle has to ask her mother and sister to assist her with cooking for a meal that is actually for the Jonas family and to which they are not invited (I’ll get to that in a second), and the one task she asks Kevin to do (buy a cake) he does wrong, gives attitude about, and refuses to fix.

Secondly, he makes every effort to have his family (read: family ideals) control Danielle, and to isolate her from her own family (read: alternative ideals, support). He acts disgusted by their comfortable uninvited visits, complaining voraciously to the camera in what is meant to be a “funny” way but comes off as exactly what it is – angry. Because this reaction to her family has been expressed to the camera within the earliest part of the episode, it comes as no surprise that she feels compelled to tell her family they cannot be present when Kevin’s family is coming over for dinner (but that she needs them – no wait, the women only –  to help her cook).

And the dinner itself is a disaster on this vein. The Jonas father speaks to Kevin only without looking directly at Danielle (or his wife, really) even once on camera, and speaks about her and their marriage as though she is not at the table. He reaches unreal levels of inappropriateness as he explains to Kevin (remember, while ignoring Danielle) that if they’re thinking about having a baby anytime soon (as it is his and her implied “duty”), they must consider Kevin’s oh-so-important upcoming concert schedule. Danielle is unmistakably mortified as speaks to the camera about this event, meekly comparing the Jonas family boundaries to her own family’s and wondering why Kevin complains about her own family crossing the line.

Thirdly, this situation leads to a conversation between Danielle and Kevin that confirmed to me everything these other interactions had implicated. Danielle confronts Kevin about having a child – she explains calmly and quietly that this is something she had imagined doing in the near future, and he feels that the rational reaction to this is to erupt in anger. His face is red, he’s getting in her face, and he’s using full vocal volume as he yells at her about the importance of his career, how he has taken off 3 years of musical performing for her, and how she is asking way too much. (I forget the exact wording of the rant and couldn’t find it online, but it went something like that.)

But what he says is much less important, in this case, than how he is saying it – and even furthermore, how she reacts to it. She completely backs down, despite the fact that the conversation was very obviously one that was important to her and to her life, because in her own words: “I have dreams too, you know.” She starts speaking even more quietly, forces herself to smile and say she understands and loves him, and in the heat of his anger leans in to cuddle him and kiss his mouth, which is where the scene ends. My stomach was churning. It was like one of those really sickening, outdated (one would think…) scenes from a black-and-white movie that feminists don’t love to watch for that reason.

There have been dudes I just don’t like on reality TV before, of course, and more than one of them don’t treat women well. The Situation, for example, makes me cringe, and sometimes I want to hurl something at the screen when Scott Dissick shows up amongst the Kardashians. But Kevin Jonas is different. He is legitimated by the show. There are no characters – no Kim, Khloe, or Kris – pointing out that his behavior isn’t good, and in fact the focus is upon characters (his family) that actually encourage him to behave like that towards his wife. His wife isn’t able to write off his behavior by herself, either – she doesn’t come at him like JWow or Snookie would, or even make fun of him – but rather, gets more and more timid in his wake. And this process of legitimation does not take place in front of college kids and post-grads (though, like myself, some may have been included in the mix) but presumably in front of Jonas fans – the teens and tweens that have followed them up from their purity ring beginnings on Disney. And this, cumulatively, makes for a toxic combination.

Only one episode has aired so far, and it is my hope that producers/directors will somehow work to correct the show’s semi-horrific shortcomings. Regardless of what happens, though, I sincerely hope that the shortcomings are recognized by the show’s audience even so early in the game, and that this ultimately leads to the show’s cancellation before season 2 can start badly influencing the nation’s children as season 1 has already shown itself avowed to do.