Feminist=Man-hater?

Something I’ve been thinking on lately has pushed me to make a blog about it. My fiancé and I went to the Unite Women marches to end the war on women last Saturday. It was a fun event, lots of people there, lots of fantastic speakers, men and women of all ages and races. There were some pretty clever signs too.

My fiancé sported a sign that said “A man of quality is not threatened by a woman of equality.” Very true, very powerful words. A little old lady at the march even hugged him and said “thank you.” It was so adorable. When we got home, we posted pictures of the march and all the cool people and signs we saw.

Now, my fiancé posted a picture of himself with his sign, and another guy with his sign (which read Women do Not Need Men to Speak for Them). He got 23 likes in one day. That’s pretty cool.

But one thing that keeps sticking in my head. Maybe I’m over thinking it, but maybe not.

In the month leading up to the march, I started an event page and invited several people. I also shared and linked articles on the extreme legislature we marched against. I got a like here an there, got a few positive comments, but mostly, it was either no replies, or “What rights don’t women have? Why do you need to march” “Why are women marching? This isn’t the 50’s anymore.” “Do you hate men or something?” And worst of all, “Women, we give them rights and then they act like they don’t got any. Typical. Why can’t you just be happy with what you have?”

So this leads me to think about 3 things: 1) Why does my fiancé get more credit for being a feminist than I do? 2) We weren’t freely given our rights, we had to fight for them, and now we’re fighting to keep them. 3) Since when did supporting reproductive rights make me a man-hater?

First, I think it’s great that my fiancé is so supportive and willing to join the cause and march with me. It’s really nice to have that kind of love and support. However, I feel like it’s a bit of a double standard that if he proclaims he’s a feminist, he gets a slap on the back. If I say I’m a feminist, I’m told I’m complaining, I should just be happy with the way things are, or that I don’t need to complain because everything is fine. I’m sorry, but that is ass-backwards. It is.

We are BOTH feminists for the same reasons. I’m not saying he should be given the same line of sexist questioning and patronizing accusations that I get, oh no. That doesn’t make anything better. But I do think that we should be given the same kind of consideration. He’s not claiming to be a feminist just to get into my pants. He’s not doing it just to pick up women. He does it because he honestly believes in the movement. So do I. So why does he get more credit for the same damn thing? My guess is anti-feminist backlash and the stereotype of the angry, feminist extremist. The hairy-arpits and unshaven legs of the stereotyped “dyke” feminist comes to mind when a women says so much as “fem-“. And it’s because of that stereotype that I get slapped with a bunch of backlash and refusal to listen.

And lastly, since when did “feminist” become synonymous with a man-hater? “I support using birth control” MAN-HATER! “I support abortion rights.” MAN-HATER! “I support equal pay.” DER IZ NO PAY GAP U MAN-HATER!!

Unless I actually say the words, “I hate men” or demonstrate behavior consistent with misandry, then don’t call me a man-hater. Supporting birth control, reproductive rights, equal pay and gender equity does not mean that I hate men. That comes from the female gain=male loss mentality, which is indicative more of the accuser’s mentality than it is of mine.

Maybe I’m really over thinking this. My brain is on overdrive from finals week. Any thoughts anyone?