What is it about beautiful, successful, independent, assertive women that scares the Hell out of men so much???

This is a spin-off of the post that Adrianne posted earlier about the tribulations of being conventionally pretty. It was a great post, and I’d like to discuss it further in a slightly different direction. Before I begin, let me first forewarn you that I like to use lots of sarcasm and wit in my writings, so please don’t take every word I say literally. Also, please do not mistake anything I say as “coming from privilege”, elitist, or bragging. I came from very humble beginnings and had to work very hard for everything I have today; nothing was handed to me. But in order to fully examine and discuss this issue, I must be completely honest and tell it like it is. I just want to talk openly and frankly about being yourself and the way people (men) react to that.
First of all, I grew up in a small-town community where I still reside today. (Hopefully not for much longer!!) In my community, everyone knows everyone else. As a child and a teenager, I had very little. I was also what you would call “conventionally unattractive”. I was labeled as the class geek. I was called names like “dogface”, “ugly”, “hideous”, etc. I was also called names like “loser” and “nobody” because it was assumed by my peers (and hell, everyone else in town too) that I would never amount to anything because I was disadvantaged. But I beat the odds in everything. I made it my mission to become conventionally attractive and went on to become a fashion/print model (I have done runway fashion shows in big cities like Chicago) and a beauty pageant queen (I currently hold a state-level title and will be competing for the national US title in July). Quite a change from the former ugly duckling with the thick huge glasses and braces if I do say so myself!! My appearance is what I call extremely “girly-girl” and “fashionista”. I dress to the hilt almost everyday (mostly because of my job, but also because I just love to be dressed up). Most women in my community are jeans, T-shirt, and flip-flop types of women. I prefer black pin-stripe suit jackets and stiletto heels.

Now let’s talk about my professional characteristics. I also went on to work my way through college, earn a Bachelor’s Degree, and get a great job working in Government. I don’t particularly love my job, but it pays well, has great benefits, and is very secure. My plans are to enroll in graduate school soon and earn a Master’s Degree in Theology/Divinity and become an ordained minister. I don’t plan on ever preaching in a church, I just want to deal directly with people and help counsel them and ease their suffering. I have also given a lot of thought to going into media or politics someday. I would LOVE to have my own editorial column or TV news commentary show!!! Upon getting a college education, I went from Welfare Class to Middle Class. Again, quite a change!! I am a young single woman in my 20’s who is completely financially independent. I am able to provide myself with everything that I need on my own; I am not dependent on a man or anyone else for my survival.
Now lets talk about my personality. I have always been an extremely intelligent person. I have a brain and I’m not afraid to use it!! I look for any opportunity to discuss or debate political, religious, or social issues with anyone who is up to par with such discussions. I have a few blogs that I frequently post essays on and I have had a few of them published in a women’s magazine. I didn’t enjoy studying in high school, but my college years instilled a love of learning in me that has become almost an obsession. I cannot get through the day without reading every newspaper, blog, and news site that I can get my hands on. I cannot get through the workday without going to Feministing, RH Reality Check, CNN, or the Ms. Blog to “catch up” on current issues and analyze discussion topics posted by other people. I have an obsession with politics, law, and social/cultural issues like reproductive rights, gay/lesbian rights, gun rights, separation of church & state, etc. I can’t get myself to read fiction books in my spare time; the only kind of books I like to read are “boring” books about history, politics, or religion. I also have what you might call a “loud bark.” I’m not rude or obnoxious, but I let my opinion be known and I definitely assert myself and stand up for myself when need be. I may be a little girl “5’1 105 lbs), but I’m no one to be pushed around. I will get in someone’s face if I have to, male or female.
Now lets talk about my hobbies and interests. I love to shoot guns and am a Lifetime NRA member, I love to read CONSTANTLY, I only have interest in reading non-fiction subjects, I spend most of my evenings jogging laps around my town with my Ipod in order to meditate and maintain a rockin’ hard body, and I publish my thoughts and writing pieces wherever I can so that I can reach as big an audience as possible and spark discussion. I love all kinds of music (except country) and am known to listen to music by “weird” artists like Ozzy Osbourne and Peter Gabriel.
So…. we have a beautiful girly-girl who is a fashion model and has walked a runway, is a state-level beauty pageant queen, reads non-stop, wears suits and stiletto heels almost everyday, likes to shoot guns, likes to listen to heavy metal rock music, has a razor sharp mind for politics with an obsession with reading and studying them, has a professional job and is financially independent, has a college education, wants to become an ordained minister, tells it like it is, and stands up for herself and what she believes in….and lives in a small town. And all of this put together SCARES THE HELL OUT OF PEOPLE… especially MEN. I find that the women who live in my community have little or no problems with me or who I am, but many of the men in my community have quite an issue with it.
It all began about a year ago. It started with men whom I had always considered as acquaintances and casual friends to suddenly begin viciously turning on me and verbally attacking me. Out of the blue one day, a casual friend who is about a decade older than me in his mid 30’s suddenly began posting nasty message on my Facebook page about how I’m “crazy” and “unstable” and how my life is “imaginary and make-believe.” I don’t know what suddenly set him off, but after my initial shock wore off I promptly told him off and deleted him from my friends list. Afterwards he went on to continue ranting about me on his own page, and several people asked him what his problem was. Then several months later, one of his younger friends whom I had grown up with began pulling the exact same stunt: posting hateful messages on my Facebook page, calling me “crazy”, “a stupid puke”, and of course insisting that my life and everything I do is “fairtytale make-believe”…including disputing the fact that I am a member of the NRA, which is just idiotic. He even went to the NRA website, looked up how much the fees are to become a lifetime member and asked me, “Don’t you think $1,000 is a little pricey for a woman to pay?” As if it was any of his business!! Then he began to bitch about how he was “tired of seeing his Facebook news feed filled with my status updates about politics, my job, my plans to be a minister, news stories,etc.” Of course, my response was to tell him to DELETE ME if he didn’t like what I have to say. So once again, I gave him a piece of my mind just like I did his older friend and deleted his ass from my friend list. (Funny how none of these “men” had the guts to say any of this to my face, they had to hide behind the internet to say it. Haha!) Now this odd behavior has escalated beyond Facebook. Now I am enduring catcalls and insults when I am out in public. A trip to the grocery store or a quick drink at a local bar with friends often results in a group of men yelling out catcalls and insults at me in front of everyone. Some of the men who do this are people I barely even know…or don’t know at all. I have read the drivel these men say to each other about me on Facebook, and the words “crazy”, “man-hating”, and “frigid bitch” are often used. I find that I often get called “crazy” by men when I am discussing some sort of political or social issue or when I mention wanting to become a minister. That’s what started a lot of this verbal bashing on Facebook–I was posting my own thoughts and opinions regarding certain political and social issues, and I suddenly got screamed at for being “crazy” and “weird”. It literally seems as if being a woman who likes to assert her opinion about politics is viewed as “crazy”!!
At first, this immature behavior infuriated me. Then after my anger wore off, I took a step back and looked at the bigger picture. Nothing about my life is “imaginary”, I have experienced and accomplished everything I have listed and there is certainly more than enough proof to back it up. I had never done nor said anything negative to any of these men to provoke them into attacking and harassing me. Just me simply discussing politics and my goals for the future sent them into a fit and made them call me “crazy”!! Wearing suits and high heels doesn’t make me “frigid”, it just makes me stylish. LOL! I don’t go around looking for trouble (Hell I rarely ever go out at all in my town anymore thanks to idiots like them!), but whenever I am seen in public they can’t help but yell out something at me and cause a scene. That’s when I realized that there is nothing wrong with me and the problem isn’t with me…the problem lies with THEM. They have some sort of problem that makes them unable to deal with who I am as a woman. They seem to be unable to handle a woman who is intelligent, assertive, financially independent, and attractive, and their only way of handling it is to lash out at me. That would explain the labels like “weird”, “crazy”, or “man-hating” that they are putting on me. Because I certainly don’t hate men and I certainly don’t consider myself crazy (unless you consider standing up for myself when challenged to be crazy). Look, I realize I live in a small town where my daily life, experiences, and accomplishments are very different from most people’s in my community. And I realize that all this makes me stick out like a sore thumb in my town. But is that enough to cause men to feel so threatened by me that they feel the need to openly lash out at me and my life choices and make asses of themselves?? And it’s not just in my community, either. I am finding that there are men EVERYWHERE who are bothered or scared to death of women who are what I call “the complete package”…. Attractive, intelligent, unique, and financially successful. I am most often single, and whenever I do meet new men they get this nervous and shocked “Oh my God!” look on their faces when I tell them what I do for a living. I don’t even mention being a pageant queen or a model to men anymore, because I’ve found that just letting them see that I am independent, secure, and have a good job makes them nervous enough!! At first I wondered if this was just all in my head, but then of my two closest male friends told me that men are scared to death of women like me who are very smart and successful. My friend Brandon told me that men may dream about having a woman who is beautiful and very smart, but that in reality they CANNOT handle it.
Do men really prefer women who are beautiful and dumb or women who aren’t that financially independent and NEED a man to “rescue” them and “take care of them”? What is so damn scary and threatening about a woman who likes to just be herself, do her own thing, and can take care of herself??