I am a conventionally attractive female

I am sick of being conventionally attractive. I am 19 years old, white, skinny, and 5’9″. I have reddish brown hair, and gray eyes. I have an hourglass figure, and a small frame. I have the body of a model. Most people would say that I am lucky. I have it all: I’m smart and pretty. Lucky? I don’t know about that.
People expect me to be a certain way because of how I look. Pretty girls are popular, on the dance team, date the cutest guys, party. The social butterfly. The prom queen. Pretty girls like looking pretty. They flaunt their prettiness.
People start talking to me expecting me to be a certain way. They quickly discover that I am awkward, nerdy, and tomboyish. They are shocked that I would choose chemistry as a major. They are even more shocked that I am considering math as a minor.
I’ve been used because of how I look. People like the way they look standing next to me. Earlier this year I broke off a friendship with a girl who treated me as her gorgeous pet. I used to hang out with people who were less likely to use me because of my looks. But one of these friends stopped talking to me recently. She’s jealous of me because I have what she wants.
Boys don’t approach me very often. I get nods, and stares, and catcalls. Only the brave ones approach. Being smart and attractive and shy makes me incredibly intimidating without even trying.
I’m sick of being conventionally attractive. I’m sick of being used; I’m sick of people being jealous of me. I’m sick of being intimidating. I’m sick of people being shocked by my intellect, nerdiness, and interest in chemistry.

I’m sick of being conventionally attractive. It makes me wonder if people really see potential in me, or if they just see a pretty face. Did my track coach see my determination and drive? Or did he just want to set me up with his son? (He knew his son had a crush on me and that I had a crush on his son. Why is there this assumption that if two people are attracted to each other that must mean they are perfect for each other? I thought he was cute but I would have strangled him by the end of a week! It was so frustrating and awkward having everyone trying to shove us together! Especially because one of those people was his dad and my coach!!!)
There was one girl on the track team who cut her hair really short. All the girls on the team complimented her on her cute haircut. It was short, but still feminine and pretty. After a week or two, she shaved it all off. She shaved off her pretty blonde hair. All of the girls whispered behind their hands. How could she consciously do something that was so…ugly? I was just curious at the time. Now I understand. She got sick of the beauty standards, the pressure, the expectations, the attention. She got sick of people assuming that she was normal. So she cut herself off from it all. Literally. Right now, shaving my head is looking like a pretty good idea.
It’s my first year of college, and I got stuck trying to pretend to be normal and fit in. Being normal doesn’t work too well for me. I started silencing myself because I was so sick of rejection. (Why do you want to do that? That’s so weird! Wow, you’re so awkward. Chemistry!? Chemistry is so hard! But you’re so pretty! The guys must be all over you.) I’m done silencing myself.