I Love The Smell of Condescension In The Morning

I went on a training course for work a while back, and ever since, I’ve been on this company’s mailing list. In what is basically corporate spam, every so often, they’ll send me letters about their training courses and seminars and whatnot. Mostly I open them, glance cursorily at them, and throw them away.
Until this Friday, when this little gem arrived on my desk.
“Be honest,” this letter asked. “Do you ever…”
* back down on an important issue instead of sticking to your guns?
* overreact and make a difficult situation even worse?
* allow unresolved anger and resentment to hurt an important relationship?
* become angry and frustrated when dealing with difficult people?
* let people take advantage of you?
* find yourself in the middle of an argument and wonder how it got started in the first palce?
* feel trapped in a seemingly unresolved conflict?
Corporate wank and company kumbaya-let’s-all-hug stuff is really not my thing, so I rolled my eyes and was about to throw it in the bin when I saw what the seminar was called.
“Conflict Management Skills for Women – How to keep your cool, stand your ground and positively resolve conflict.”
And… then I saw red.

Hey, good work, corporate seminar dudes! Way to perpetuate some gender stereotypes! Oh, you silly womenfolk, with all your EMOTIONS and your OVERREACTIONS and your IRRATIONALITY and your CRYING and your LETTING PEOPLE TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU! You and your meek little ladybrains – how can you possibly expect to compete out there in a man’s world without our mad conflict management skillz by your side! Surely you will just start crying, because you just cannot take it! Here, let us patronise you!
I checked their website. There’s no analogous course for men. But there is an ‘assertive speaking for women’ course.
Let’s look at this rationally for a moment. I certainly wouldn’t want to fall victim to the same kind of over-emotive thinking that this brochure is accusing me of. I’m sure there are people who face conflict in the workplace, and could do with a bit of a seminar to help them resolve it (even given the usual non-usefulness of corporate seminars). I’m sure there are people out there who do let people take advantage of them at work, or become frustrated when people are annoying, or who get personally involved in a professional situation, or who get intimidated.
But you’ll note there was an operative word in that paragraph there, and that word was people. I personally was unaware that a penis magically enabled one to deal brilliantly with conflict in the workplace.
The office has traditionally been a man’s world. It’s only relatively recently that women have succeeded to management positions, and sure, sometimes it can be hard. However, if women are expected to want to go to seminars like this – which is, as I read it, basically a seminar on how not to be intimidated by men in the workplace and how not to bring those pesky emotions to work (because you know how men totally lack emotions and all), there should be a reciprocal seminar for men on hey, guess what, not intimidating women and realizing that they are just as capable of doing their job as you.
But really, I see no reason why a conflict management course should be limited to one gender at all. If we take a look at the seminar outline, it looks something a little like this:
1) Conflict management strategies that work.
Which is fine. But are men naturally born with conflict management strategies that work? Are they stored in the testicles? Why are they deemed already qualified in this area?
2) Getting a grip on your anger and emotions.
Because only the laydeez have them. This part of the seminar includes a section on ‘graceful exit lines’, ‘how to stop playing old hurt tapes in your mind’ and ‘how to avoid tears – and what to do if you can’t’. Gee, way to perpetuate the image of the old foot-stamping, temper-tantrum-throwing, irrational hormonal lady in the office. I’m surprised there’s not a ‘how to cope when you’re on the rag’ session.
3) How to respond to others’ anger.
Well, men obviously don’t need help in this area. But women! Oh women! They need to be taught ‘how to respond to a put-down without losing your temper’ and ‘avoiding words that act as emotional triggers when you’re dealing with someone who’s upset’. Men are never, ever morons when dealing with angry people, men or women. Because, as noted earlier, this knowledge is stored in the testicles.
4) Conflict communication skills.
Wow. I feel like I have totally learned something now I’ve been patted on the head and told that negative feedback is not a personal attack, silly girl! This section also includes information on ‘the real differences between how men and women handle feedback’ (presumably men do it better, as they clearly need no seminar) and ‘idiolects, dialects, registers and genderlects: the surprising differences – and similarities – between how men and women communicate’.
And here’s me thinking language was for everyone. And finally:
5) How to take care of yourself.
Has anyone ever been to a seminar where men are told to have a bubble bath and take care of themselves? Because I never have. I certainly know a few people of both genders who could use some mentoring on ‘how to handle rejection and feel good about it’, but apparently, in the workplace, only the wimminz need that information. Also, only women ever have ‘retribution fantasies that can do you more harm than the person you’re mad at’. Because men obviously don’t have those. They have testicles instead, complete with magic conflict-assuaging powers.
Needless to say, I won’t be going to this seminar. I have this strange illusion that my work in the office is based more on my intelligence and my professionalism than my ladybrain. But it’s probably only a matter of time before I burst into tears at my desk and start throwing things at people. Because I need to learn the skills to ‘manage even the most serious confrontations with confidence, tact and composure’. I’m a woman. I simply don’t know any better. So I should pay this company AUD$249 to teach me – so that ‘no matter how difficult the situation, you’ll learn how to handle it with confidence and poise’.
Does it come with a complimentary can of hairspray and a pair of pantyhose?