Halloween Costume Nightmare

During the weeks leading up to October 31st, I find myself uncontrollably drawn to Halloween specialty stores. There is something addictive about walking through the cobwebbed doors and seeing disgusting mannequins contorted into abnormal angles, foaming at the mouth, and dripping with plastic maggots. Somewhere between the fog machines, the strobe lights, the creepy humanoid animatronics, and the plethora of nasty little devices, I start to feel like I was granted free admission to Disneyland.
As one might expect, Drew and I couldn’t withstand our urges to go visit a few of these stores (I find myself eternally grateful that I found a boyfriend who enjoys morbidity almost as much as I do). Like most people in the stores, Drew and I were compelled to try on every goofy hat, plastic ass attachment, and creepy mask we could find. We were joking with some of the employees and practically skipping around with glee when we heard something that stopped us in our tracks:
“Oooo, Mom! Look! They have the Playboy Costumes!”
Drew and I both looked over at the young girl running towards the sexy costumes. She couldn’t be over 13 years old! So what does her mother do? She follows the young girl over to that section and starts commenting on how cute the costumes are while her daughter asks if she can get one.

Wow.
It’s not like I can’t understand this young girl’s desire to wear one. Naturally, young girls want to copy the big girls. If you look around on Halloween, 85% of teenage girls and women seem to be wearing some sort of “Sexy” version of a costume. It’s like an implicit agreement among some women to compete for the sexiest costume, leaving the rest of us to choose from the following costumes:
-whore
-whore
-whore with wings
-whore with horns and tail
-whore with furry ears and tail
-witchy whore
-beloved childhood character whore
So I’m left wondering, does anyone else feel like women’s Halloween costumes need some variation?
The “sexy for the sake of being sexy” costumes are so predictable nowadays, so lets be more original. In no way am I suggesting that we all wear moo moos or cover ourselves like Puritans. What I am suggesting is that we bring more than just the sexy look to the table. We are clever women and our costumes should reflect that. Don’t be afraid to prioritize being funny and original over being sexy. I’d love to see someone dressed as a giant Pink Taco, or as a Narcoleptic Acrobat, or even the Crazy Cat Lady. Come on, it will be fun!