Personal Story: Get Your Pap Done!

And Also Why I Have A New Sympathy For Women Who Have Surgical Abortions…

*This contains graphic info about my cervix. Don’t read if you are icked out*

Hi, I’m PamelaVee and I am 24.

This all started about a year ago. I am one of the Americans that is not insured for health so I don’t see the doctor. If anything is wrong, I wait in line forever at the low cost clinic. I see the Health Dept. for pap smears and birth control at no cost because I do not make enough. I do work and I am good with $, I just don’t have a lot of it. But this isn’t a debate about health care/insurance.

Anyhow, the health dept called about a year ago (terrifying to get a call from them) and said I had abnormal cells. I needed to get a colposcopy. That is like a pap smear but they take a little sample, like getting your ears pierced.

FYI- Human Papillomavirus (HPV) is a cause of cervical cancer. There are over 100 strains of HPV and can cause anything from abnormal skin appearance, to warts, etc. The type I have if obviously the kind that causes abnormal cells. 3 out of 4 sexually active people have HPV.

Well, I simply didn’t have the money. Then 6 months later I got another pap and it was slightly better, but still abnormal. (My nurse said that sometimes, the cervix can and will heal itself).  I still didn’t have $ for the colpo so I didn’t get it. Well this last pap they call back again and it’s bad again, but I finally am able to save up for the colposcopy. Before, I didn’t know it was only going to be $190 for me. Last time it was quoted at $400.

I have anxiety and depression, but it has gone through the roof in the last 6 months because I have been agonizing about death, cancer, and dying.

Well the colcoscopy looks really scary but to tell you the truth, I didn’t feel the sample being taken. I just cramped like a period cramp after. I did that on the 1st of July and was told I would get the results the following Monday. I didn’t get them until the 15th!  The waiting was awful then they told me even worse news. I have to get treated.

I have cervical dysplasia. That means the cells are not bad enough to be called cancer (yet) but still bad. And I am past the point of a cryo (where they freeze your bad cells off). I am told I have to get a LEEP procedure. It’s where they take an electrical loop and burn off the cells. Most people are under general ansesthesia for this, but I can’t afford that so I was given a local anesthetic and a RX for valium and lortab. I’m terrified. Another reason I was happy (at first) to not go under is because I was really scared about not waking up, and kept getting graphic visions of myself bleeding out my arm or my arm turning black from the IV. If I had insurance and knew how it was going to be, I would have chosen to be knocked out.

So yesterday is the day of the procedure. I took the medications and I step into the room and I almost passed out. The machine they use looks very very scary. Due to my anxiety, I start thinking everything is covered in germs. Anyhow, the machine they use is a vacuum (for the smoke!! They burn your cells off and so you have smoke coming out of your vagina!) and the other part is the electricity they use. You have to sit on a pad to stay grounded. I think part of what else makes the machine scary is the noise. All it is is a vacuum really but seeing it there, with the tube,and all the instruments laid out..it really scared me.

They gave me a shot and warned me it would make me shake and it did. My whole body was shaking but that was ok but it also made me really sad and nervous. There was a really nice nurse who held my hand.

I will tell you something. The local anesthetic DIDN’T WORK all the way. I felt it. I do not know why the doctor didn’t give me another shot, (I flat out told him it hurt. He asked why i jumped and I said "Because it fucking hurt!) and I wasn’t able to ask for another shot because I was out of it. 

I was so glad it was over, but I am still agonizing over cancer and death.

After this experience, I have a new sympathy for women who have to go through surgical abortions. I know it’s NOT the same, but the vulnerability. discomfort, being really scared and disoriented, and the pain and being open on the table n stirrups is something I didn’t experience before. Even though I was staunchly pro choice before, coming out of there I felt like I could relate in some small way, and the next time i hear someone say something about abortion as birth control, I will remember this experience and let them know how NOT fun it is.

The sample they took was pretty big so hopefully they got it all. It looked like a chunk of lobster.

Yesterday, I got the bill in the mail for the first test. $300. I assume the next one will be $300 if not more. So after both procedures and the lab fees, I am looking at $1,000. HOPEFULLY this is the end of my cervix story. I get the results on the 30th and we move the 31st.

I guess i just wanted to share my experience with some women who could relate. I hope I won’t be judged too harshly here. I also wanted to say to GET YOUR PAP SMEARS DONE . They suck but they are nothing compared to what the last month has brought me. Your health is worth it and see if someone can help you if you can’t afford it. Wish me luck on the results!