Letter to My Daughter: Raise Your Voice and Your Vibe

Okay, everyone knows by now that Oprah and Dr. Laura Berman endorse mothers giving daughters vibrators. As an amorous overachiever, I’ve already selected the perfect vibe and written my accompanying letter.  Although we have several years to go before she reaches 15, I’m ready.

Darling Daughter,

You have ripened before my eyes, and I marvel at the incandescent changes. Your hormones are in overdrive, and I swear that I can hear them humming as they reshape your body and wreck havoc with your moods.

As your mother, I want your journey into womanhood to be only filed with rich discoveries and free of fear; as a woman, I know that is asking the impossible.  But here is what I can offer:  some advice and a very practical gift.

Sex with the right partner will be tender and fun, fast and furious,
dizzying and daring. But this doesn’t happen overnight.  The very
important first step is self-knowledge, and that’s why this note comes
attached to a vibrator.  Women’s bodies are mysterious and mercurial
and require unhurried exploration.  I want you to fully explore your own body before you share it with someone else. 
Why?  Because I want you to discover the wonderful point of orgasm when
your mind ceases to function and the growing ripples rise and erupt
into shudders that will transport you. Encode that in your memory, and
take notice of how your body and thoughts gradually establish their
fragile equilibrium.

Please, sweetheart, don’t settle for anything less. 

When you find yourself at the mercy of inexpert fumbling (and you
will), I want you to have intimate knowledge of exactly what you like
and want.  This will be your power.  Use it gently.

I’m also giving you this gift because you are kindling, and every touch, every kiss is an incendiary spark.
You will not be capable of extinguishing the desire, but a vibrator
gives you a highly effective option to quench your sexual thirst. 
Before you engage in sex, ask yourself two questions.  Do I trust this
person? Does s/he make me feel good about myself?

Years ago, I was in the throes of an obsessive affair, and a very
wise friend sat me down and asked me. “Would you give this man the keys
and the Title to your car?”  It seemed a ludicrous query.  Of course I
wouldn’t.  I barely knew him.  “And yet,” she continued, “you are
willing to give him your body and your heart.  Aren’t they more
precious than a car?”

I have ruminated over this question many times, with many men.  If I
can’t exclaim “YES!” definitely and unequivocally, I slow things down.
I hope you will do the same.

Too many of your friends will take huge emotional and physical risks to explore intense sexual sensations. 
A vibrator offers you the chance to celebrate your passion, to inject
yourself with a boost of adrenaline, and build the scaffolding of your
sexuality without risk or fear.  Experience your own impulses and
appetites first; you will have years to communicate and honor these
self-truths with another.

I love you.

2009-05-31